Name one thing about life today that is still exactly the same as it was 100 years ago or 200 years ago. I will give you five-to-ten minutes to think about that.
Did we have microwave ovens or cable-television 100 years ago? Desktop or laptop computers to use at home? No.
A small part of me respects the idea of maintaining a handful of "Old School" traditions, as long as those traditions provide some type of value and benefit to those who are willing to subscribe to them.
The reality is, most aspects of our everyday life are far different than they were 50 years ago, 100 years ago, or 200 years ago. The vast majority of us use the Internet, whereas prior to 1990, very few if anyone outside of the U.S. government even knew what the internet even was.
Same sense of "everything is changing" applies to dating and relationships.
There was a time when just about all romantic relationships between a man and a woman were expected to lead to marriage. In today's society, that is no longer the case. For starters, in the 21st Century, many men are dating other men and many women are dating other women. Even among heterosexuals, there are many women who are thirty-five years of age or older who still have yet to get married and have no children while many men wait until they are forty years of age or older to get married, if they get married at all.
Here is a summary of some of the differences:
Old School Dating
Before the days of birth control methods being used and premarital sex being considered "acceptable," the vast majority of women in society waited until they got married in order to engage in sexual relations with a man for the first time.
Given that premarital sex as well as non-monogamous sex was totally discouraged and frowned upon, here was the basic structure of "Old School Dating" rituals:
- Men and women became acquainted with one another, or were introduced to each other by a mutual friend
- Men and women conversed with each other, and identified common interests, morals, values, and ethics
- Men and women identified if their personalities were compatible enough to continue dating
- Once they identified that their personalities were compatible, and that they had a lot of the same interests and life goals, the couple would then categorize themselves as "going steady" (a simple term meaning that they now were in an exclusively committed relationship, and that no other member of the opposite sex could invite them out on a date any longer)
- No sex was involved when 'going steady,' although the couple would "make out" heavily (i.e., engage in just about everything but oral sex or intercourse)
- If the man was gainfully employed and financially self-sufficient (or at least, on his way to being in that category), and he failed to identify any "red flags" about his steady girlfriend, at some point within two years or so, the man would ask his girlfriend's mother and father for their approval to propose marriage to his girlfriend
- If the parents (and particularly, the father) approved, the man would then ask his girlfriend to marry him
- The engagement period would last an average of six-to-eighteen months, and then the couple got married in a public, formal ceremony known as a "wedding" where they invited all of their close friends and family members
- Finally, the married couple at some point in their marriage decided to have one or more children
Of course, there might have been "exceptions" to this highly regarded tradition prior to 1960, but those who engaged in those 'exception' type activities generally kept their sexual and relationship activities extremely private and discreet in order to prevent bringing shame and embarrassment to their families and friends.
New School Dating
Beginning with the 1960s, most women in society began slowly but surely warming up to the idea of engaging in sex with a man outside the context of marriage. Later, women even began having sex with men who they were not 'going steady' with (i.e., what is now known as 'casual' sex). Note: This is the BIGGEST FACTOR that ultimately changed dating forever
That very important factor above by itself led to a plethora of changes in the dating scene.
Now men and women engage in one or more of these many types of sexual relationships:
- One-night stands
- Weekend flings
- "Booty Call" / "F**k Buddy" relationships
- "Friends-with-Benefits" relationships
- Sugar Daddy-Sugar Baby arrangements
- Swinging / Couple Swapping / (Polyamorous) "Family" or Group Sex
- Cuckolded Husband-Wife-Dominant 'Bull' arrangements
- Master-Sub or Dominatrix-Sub arrangements
- Pimp-and-his-stable-of-Whores arrangements
- "Boyfriend-Girlfriend" relationships that do not necessarily lead to marriage or the couple living together
- Living Together (without being married)
- Husband-Mistress/Side Piece relationships or Wife-Side Piece/The "Other Man" Lover (i.e., adultery or cheating)
- Polyamorous or "Open" marriages
There are probably even a handful more of various types of non-traditional relationships that can be listed that fall outside the context of a traditional "Husband-Wife" relationship.
I. What all of this "New School Dating" means for women
Did you know that you can buy chicken wings at Pizza Hut?
Now if you worked for Pizza Hut, and a man came into the restaurant and asked, "Do you serve cheeseburgers?" would you fly off the handle and start cursing at this person, and offer comments like, "You are SO DISRESPECTFUL. I cannot BELIEVE you even ASKED me that!!! This is a PIZZA restaurant. This is not McDonald's or Burger King!!! What an A**HOLE!!! What a JERK!!!!" A bit of an "overreaction," wouldn't you say?
What about if you were a woman who worked at Hooters instead, and a man came into the restaurant and asked, "Do you serve pizza?" Again ... would you become agitated or irate, and start dressing him down in response to that question?
As a woman, you need to stop behaving as though you are "offended" or "insulted" when a man makes comments and/or asks you questions in order to find out what is on your particular "menu" as a potential sex companion. If we were living in 1904 or even 1954, I might give you a "pass" for having an 'angry' reaction to men who approach you with a desire to engage in short-term and/or non-monogamous sex with you. But in 2014? Nope. Instead of "overreacting," you need to get real.
Dating for both men and women was fairly easy when there was only "one entrée on the menu." Now, you have more than a dozen options on the 'menu.' You understand now why dating is so challenging (and many times, frustrating) here in 2014?
Very few men these days only approach women with the desire to find a future wife and/or their next long-term (monogamous) "girlfriend." For most men in society today, women in those categories might account for maybe 10-25% of the women that they approach. The vast majority of men these days want to engage in one or more of the various types of relationships listed under the category of "New School Dating."
The women who still subscribe to the "Old School" way of dating are generally labeled as "prudish 'Good Girls'." Many of the men and women who are still fans of "Old School" dating methods will also label those women who engage in more 'casual' sex as "sluts" and "whores." Do you really expect those from the "Old School Dating" faction not to be judgmental and harshly critical of the "New School" way of dating? If so, you are being naive.
II. What all of this "New School Dating" means for men
Men, read the last paragraph above again. And again. And again. And again. Did you do it? Now, read it again ONE MORE TIME.
Why would someone like Maurice Kain Carter or the guy in the video posted at the top of this article (Brian? Justin? Not sure) naively believe they can just approach women and immediately ask them to engage in short-term and/or non-monogamous 'casual' sex within the first 15-20 seconds of the conversation without keeping in mind what was said in the last paragraph (of the women's section)?
Reality check: Some women are totally committed to still abiding by the rules and rituals of "Old School Dating," particularly if they are deeply religious or have really deeply religious parents. Respect to these women. I do not care how 'charming,' 'persuasive,' and/or 'seductive' you believe you are as a man, you are never, ever going to get these women to engage in premarital sex or casual sex with you (unless you do the "un-thinkable," and get them drunk or drug them and then date-rape them; If you choose this route, be prepared for that woman's father, step-father, or psychotic and protective older brother to find you .... and kill you. End of story).
On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, some women are totally open and upfront about the fact that they are "free-spirited" and "erotically uninhibited." In other words, they will make it clear to you that they have no problem engaging in one or more of the various types of modern-day sexual relationships listed under "New School Dating." Again, some men (and women) will label these women 'sluts' and 'whores.' The more appropriate label for these women is, "They know what they want" women. Respect to this group of women as well.
Let's say, 15% of women in society are genuinely "Prudish Good Girl" types (i.e., willing to wait until marriage to have sex for the first time), and let us say that roughly 20% of women in society are totally open-minded, free-spirited, and erotically uninhibited (i.e., willing to engage in just about any type of sexual relationship .... long-term, short-term, monogamous, non-monogamous, one-on-one, group sex, etc.)
Men: These two types of women above are going to be the most honest women you ever interact with in your life.
Some men think that 90-99% of women in society are in the "Prudish Good Girl" category. And that is why most of their male friends laugh at them, and generally treat them like they are super naive.
Some men, such as Maurice Kain Carter (a.k.a. "hotdamnirock") and the other "Whatever Guy" seem to believe that 90-99% of women in society are in the "Totally Free-Spirited, Uninhibited, and Down to Engage in Kinky Sex with Anyone at Any Time" category. And that is why Maurice and the Whatever Guy got slapped at least once (This columnist is twice their age, and has never, ever been slapped).
If the prudish, Old School Dating women are "5s" (on a scale from "1" to "5"), and the totally open-minded, free-spirited New School Dating women are "1s" (on that same scale), guess which women are 2s, 3s, and 4s?? This brings me to the most "tricky" of the three types of women. The "Wholesome Pretenders" and "Erotic Hypocrites" of the world. A woman who is a "4" is a woman who wants very much to adhere to the "Old School" rituals of dating, but her raw erotic hormones do not always agree with her intellectual decisions; A woman who is a "3" is a woman who wants an "Old School" image and reputation similar to a woman who is a "5," but behind-closed-doors, she wants the sexual experiences of a woman who is a "1"; A woman who is a "2" is willing to present a misleading façade to men for at least a few minutes or an hour or two, but if a man knows how to "read" women, he will quickly break them down.
2s are going to be easier to seduce into New School Dating casual sex than a 3, but harder than a 1. 3s will be more likely to agree to engage in a 'weekend fling' with you than a 4, but it will be more difficult than persuading a 1 or 2. 4s are going to be the most challenging to convince to engage in some type of short-term and/or non-monogamous sexual relationship with you, but getting these women to engage in sex with you outside the context of a 'Husband-Wife' relationship or a long-term 'Boyfriend-Girlfriend' relationship is not at all "impossible."
What happens when you develop the knowledge and wisdom from trial and error to quickly and effectively identify a woman who is a "2," "3," or "4"? You call up your agent or publisher, and the conversation goes a bit like THIS (just pretend I had a literary agent or personal publisher named Jerry Maguire).
Don't be naive young men regarding your interactions with women. Not all women are "Old School" types. Similarly, don't be arrogantly presumptuous or just flat-out stupid either. Not each and every woman you meet is going to be down with the more liberal and free-spirited "New School Dating" type of sexual relationships either.
P.S. Small favor ... are you on Twitter? If you are single heterosexual man, and you just finished reading the article, and you GET WHERE I AM COMING FROM, then please tweet the following (no quotes): "RT Just read @AlanRogerCurrie's Examiner article (http://bit.ly/ModeOneBehavior) and all I have to say is #ModeOne! #2s3s4s #WholesomePretenders"
Thank you and enjoy the remainder of your week.
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of books, including Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking and Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex. Currie's latest eBook, The Possibility of Sex: How Naive and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly is also available exclusively on Amazon.com in their Kindle format. You can also download a copy of Currie's eBook on your iPhone, Android Smartphone, or other Smartphone. Starting with Monday, August 4, 2014, you might be eligible to download a FREE copy of the audiobook version of 'Mode One' on Audible.com. CLICK HERE for more details.
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