The 53rd Grammy Awards air, Sunday, February 13, 2011. Lady Antebellum will be there. So will Eminem. Both of them are slated to perform. For the legal drinking age readers of the Vodka Examiner page, the rest of the broadcast will be tantamount to walking in to someone else's High School Reunion. You're going to be confused, frustrated, a little embarrassed, and you will find yourself staring at the woman in the plastic dress, wondering why no one told her how ridiculous she looks.
Justin Bieber will be performing, along with the four other "Best New Artist" nominees. We would like to thank Drake, Florence & the Machine, Mumford & Sons and Esperanza Spalding for attending, but the pre-teens falling out of the mezzanine didn't come to see you. Any chance these others had (they had no chance) were summarily squashed with the timely release of Bieber's feature length film "Never Say Never."
If you are of age, rather than stew over the fact that you cannot identify with anyone on your television, relax and enjoy the Grammys with a Justin Biebeer:
Combine ingredients over ice. This cocktail will have the consistency and slight taste of a fine Porter. Be content that there is not a single Justin Beiber fan on the planet that likes the taste of beer. Ergo, you will not have to share.
If you are under the age of 21, do not drink. Underage drinking makes Justin sad. If you are over the age of 21, once Bob Dylan performs, you will be done recognizing people. Hold out hope that they play the Ozzy Osbourne/Justin Bieber Best Buy commercial. Don't worry when you are the only one laughing.