Here we are ready to have a great new year in 2010. Can't afford to leave it entirely to chance - that's for Lotto tickets. Let's take control of our own conflict resolution confidence. And for this update, I had to look no further than myself.
'Funny' (not ha-ha, rats!) how something that is not awfully important to me might be incredibly important to someone else I care about. And also 'funny' how difficult it can sometimes be to see it coming, even with more than ample advanced notice.
I'd made, what I thought of as, a personal choice for myself (I'll spare details to maintain dignity on this one!) I believed I had a right to make my own choice. I believe everyone has the right to do so.
Having said that, upon hearing and seeing (body language) the reaction to my personal choice, I had a decision to make; stake my ground or to bend. This is what I asked myself:
- Is this a 'need' for me?
- Is this a 'want' for me?
- Is there something I expect to need or want more, and can I pass on this choice?
Need? No, I guessed not. A want? Yes. And to be honest? Not too awful many years ago, I'd have dug my heels in deep, damn the torpedoes...except those torpedoes are people, too. Either ones I care about or those I care for, shall we say, less so. The 'less so', obviously can take a long walk off a short pier. More politely, I can make my own choices, thank you. Recommended for sanity and self-expression!
Number 3 was where the smart money was for me this time. You've heard 'pick your battles' and perhaps have sighed with aggravation or reveled in the 2nd chance you get.
I'll come clean that this was a relatively easy one for me as life events are going...I have a few bigger choices that are 'needs' right now that loved ones already have to adjust to.
We'll see if this choice passes the resentment test (no lingering resentment - that will be updated in our glossary!)...So is this what it takes to live a fulfilling life with people you love?
You tell me. Maybe I'm 200% wrong. I don't believe I'll know until I experiment; lather, rinse and repeat. If it doesn't work - OUT IT GOES! That's the larger empowerment behind assembling a glossary of behavior to insert...YOU decide if results are beneficial to you!
Look for 2009 Year in Resolution Review, including glossary and survey of you own growing conflict resolution confidence - I'll be measuring mine! Be part of the New Year's Conflict Resolution for 2010!
Bonus: Comment or firstname.lastname@example.org...you might find out the sordid little details!