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150 foot tall giants emerge from jungle, attend Panama Canal celebration

Giant men breech security to attend Panama Canal celebration
The Miami Herald

To the astonishment of those attending a 100th celebration of the Panama Canal, a group of 150 foot tall men emerged from the jungles of Panama to see what all the fuss was about. Dressed as construction workers including hard hats, they lined up on the side of the canal looking on with amazement as bystanders scrambled out of the way to avoid being crushed. Women screamed as the obviously bewildered giants looked over the scene struggling to make sense of the gathering. Standing in a 70 foot deep ravine next to the famous canal, the men dwarfed a transport ship making its way through the locks. One even looked down at a cell phone the size of an ISO container and tried to take a picture.

Through loudspeakers, some of the more brave attendees were able to communicate with the huge men and discover they too, were once normal size. Due to what the giants believe was a warp in Einstein’s unified field theory, they got caught up in a “Philadelphia experiment’ while at their construction jobs, and quickly grew to their current height.

Bewildered by their plight and hiding in the jungle for years away from prying eyes, they emerged when they heard the commotion and headed directly for a 100 foot long cake baked to commemorate the celebration. “We haven’t eaten real food for years bellowed one of the titans, “bananas are good in a pinch, but give me some yuca frita any-day!”

Eager to return to a more normal existence, the giants were led to an old airplane hangar where they were given check-ups by teams of doctors on cranes. Large gauge meat injectors were used to inoculate them against any disease they may have picked up in the jungle and their families were told to fill up the fridge, they’re coming home.

Their story will be written by Andrew Lloyd Weber as a musical based on the fairy tale ‘Paul Bunyan’ and set in the north woods. In the take-off of ‘Brigadoon’ Nathan Lane, Tom Hanks and Samuel L Jackson appear as rollicking backwoodsmen thrust into the limelight when their logging truck drives through a mysterious mist into a town inhabited by Lilliputians that only materializes once every hundred years.

Coming soon to a theater near you.

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