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13 ways to lose your gluten free lover

For the person living gluten free, giving up pizza is often one of the hardest sacrifices.
For the person living gluten free, giving up pizza is often one of the hardest sacrifices.
Wikipedia Creative Commons

If you want to lose your gluten free lover, this article will give you several ideas that are sure to do the trick. Of course, it might be less painful to just be honest and confess that you're just not committed enough to deal with food allergies or autoimmune issues. However, if you're courting the favor of a Valentine who has Celiac Disease or is gluten intolerant, there are some things you'll want to avoid, so keep reading!

Don't break a gluten free heart!
Robyn Bray
  1. Slip out the back, Jack, and bring in some pink, iced, heart shaped Dunkin' Donuts to munch on in front of her while she nibbles on a celery stick.
  2. Make a new plan, Jan, and insist on going to that new Italian restaurant that doesn't serve gluten free pasta.
  3. Send out for pizza.
  4. Wash the pizza down with ice cold beer. Offer her some.
  5. Bake him some chocolate chip cookies during your cozy evening together.
  6. Act hurt when he doesn't eat them.
  7. Buy cookie dough ice cream.
  8. Buy cookies and cream ice cream.
  9. Take her to a nice restaurant that serves some gluten free options. Accept the basket of fragrant hot rolls when the waiter offers them. Butter them generously. Eat all of them.
  10. Top the meal off with a huge slice of decadently rich chocolate cake.
  11. Emit moans of pleasure while enjoying any of the above foods.
  12. Try to steal a kiss with chocolate crumbs still on your lips.
  13. Act annoyed when your kisses are refused.

Chances are, you'll probably not have to worry about being pestered by phone calls or texting after this Valentine's Day debacle. If you decide to call, it's unlikely you'll ever get past voicemail. Of course, if your gluten free ex is a psychopath, you may actually have to deal with some follow up antics, but if that's the case, you'd better consult a professional before destroying the relationship. This writer doesn't claim to be a psychiatrist or a body guard.

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