Do You Buy Into the Happily Ever After Myth?
Sorry to break it to you, but Prince Charming ain’t comin’. Take a moment to digest that. Sit with it. There is no perfect mate out there. So many of us place unrealistic expectations on an ideal image of love and romance. Many of us get so enmeshed in another person that we are devastated if it doesn’t go smoothly or work out. How many times have you seen a bride more engrossed in her wedding details than the actual marital relationship itself? Are we focusing where we really need to be focusing?
Of course, there are wonderful people out there and amazing experiences to be enjoyed, but a healthy dose of realism is in order here. Just don’t fall too far from reality. The beginning stages of new love are blissful and euphoric. There is so much mystery to the amazing creature you are newly dating! Every kiss is new, it’s exciting and fresh. Why then does it eventually fade into familiarity? The sexy outfits you once wore have now been traded for comfy sweatpants, zit cream and bunny slippers. What can we do to sustain the fire? We have seen ways to keep romance alive, but what are we doing to smother it?
Twelve Ways to Not Keep Your Romance Alive:
- Let yourself go. We all get comfortable and complacent in relationships, but letting yourself go can be a turn off for your partner. No one really wants to see you scratching your beer belly or not shaving your legs for two months.
- Share too many bodily functions. Sure, we are all human, but is it really necessary to break wind or burp loudly in front our your partner? Leave that in the middle school years.
- Stay in a routine. Don’t go out to eat, don’t go see a band play. Don’t try anything new. Stay in a rut. See how far that gets your relationship.
- Compare your girl to other women. If your lady feels that you are comparing her to a slimmer, prettier version of her, it is a sure way to not get sex. A woman likes to feel desired and special.
- Find a new hobby that shuts out your partner. Anything that takes up a large amount of your time without your partner can cause emotional separation. Sharing is bonding, so find something you both like.
- Keep secrets. This builds a wall between the two of you. A wall that can get bigger until it breaks the relationship. Lying also qualifies.
- Sleep in separate beds, or let small kids sleep in your bed regularly, between you. Couples need the bonding of alone time. If you spend four or more nights in separate beds consistently, over a long period, you will probably drift apart.
- Forge close relationships with people who are not supportive of your marriage or relationship. Don't allow third parties to get in between you and your partner and cause a rift. It can start slow and sneak up on you.
- Be an “it’s all about me” person. Put yourself first, never your spouse. Never put yourself in their shoes. Instead, make sure only your needs are met. After all, you aren't a mind reader!
- Don’t kiss. Don’t cuddle. Don't hold hands. If you do, it will help bond you and these are the ways to not keep your romance alive.
- Give up easily. At the first sign of trouble, bail on your spouse, or threaten to. Who needs their crap anyway? Threatening to walk out on them will keep them on their toes.
- Ignore them. Less attention to your relationship will help dissolve whatever love the two of you had. Love requires work, so if you sweep your troubles under the carpet, you never have to fix them.
Romantic relationships are something that you have to work at and nurture. None of us is perfect at it. We mess up, but we keep on trying. We realize that there is no “perfect” and we accept that real love and real life is work. Work that we are willing to do if we love someone. Nearly all relationships experience peaks and valleys. The everyday problems and challenges of relationships can stifle romance. Kids get sick. Bills need to get paid. There’s bad traffic, angry bosses and PMS. This is when making the decision to just love is the best decision you can make, if you feel your “happily ever after” is worth fighting for.
The following is some love advice from Love Scene Online:
"Love is a promise; love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear." – John Lennon