12 resolutions for 2012 for parents of teens

With some exceptions including students at private schools and some colleges, most teens in Los Angeles have returned to school after the long holiday break. Parents dealing with common teen issues most likely found themselves frustrated with, angry at or worried about their teen at some point during the long break. Often the most effective way to deal with these feelings is to change one’s own behavior. When you change your behavior in response to your teen, things are likely to improve. Here are 12 resolutions to try in the New Year.

1. Don’t let them get under your skin. Teens often say provocative things simply to get a reaction. If you don’t react, it takes the fun out of provocation.
2. Whisper. When your teen is yelling, whispering a response is an effective way to calm them down.
3. Ignore. Determine what’s worth addressing and what’s best left alone. Another way of saying, “pick your battles.”
4. Don’t catastrophize. A failed class, a ticket, or a broken promise doesn’t mean your child is not a good person or will be unsuccessful in his or her life.
5. Get lost. You do not have to be available 24/7 for a teenager. If you aren’t immediately available to solve their problems, they likely will find a solution on their own.
6. Monitor health and well-being. Independent as they want to be, teens still need parents to monitor their mental health as well as their physical wellness.
7. Stop judging. Stop rescuing and stop helicoptering. Try that with all family members.
8. Maintain boundaries. Don’t pressure your teen to meet your own unachieved dreams or unfulfilled childhood needs. Respect their individuality.
9. Listen actively and offer your opinion only when asked. Ask open ended, non-judgmental questions.
10. Do something new for yourself. It will give you something new and interesting to talk about and help your teen realize you are a person, not “just” a parent.
11. Tell the truth. Teens sometimes ask hard questions. Be as honest and forthcoming as you would like them to be.
12. Encourage your teen to reach his or her potential but don’t withhold unconditional love if they don’t.