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107 ways to prepare guacamole

Okay, so I exaggerated a little with the headline, but I like to use boffo leads to suck readers into reading an article. Some may think this is misleading, I prefer to call it “Poetic license”.

Margarita Guacamole baby!
internet/Rus Pishnery
internet/Rus Pishnery

Anyway, I got the inspiration for this piece the other night when I was parked on the couch watching the hit TV show “The Bachelor”, (Sundays 8pm on ABC.) Boy that Juan Pablo has it made. Jacuzzis, chicks, villas, champagne and me with a bowl of guacamole, stale nacho chips and a six-pack of Coors, the Banquet Beer. Life is ironic, isn’t it?

Guacamole is an avocado based dip that probably originated with the Mexican Aztecs way back in the 16th century. It is traditionally made by mashing ripe avocados with a molcajete with sea salt. A Molcajete is a stone mortar and pestle. If you do not have one, use a fork and bowl. Do not, I repeat, do not make guacamole in a food processor or blender. Here’s the basic recipe.

Classic Guacamole

3-4 Ripe Avocados

2 Tbs. Pico de Gallo

Juice of 1 Lime

1 Jalapeno, Seeded & Chopped

Sea Salt/Freshly Ground Black Pepper

2 Tbs. Olive Oil

2 Tbs. Garlic, Minced

Chopped Cilantro

Pit the avocados and core avocado without cutting through the skin.

Scoop out one avocado with a large spoon and place in mixing bowl. Add the lime juice and stir to evenly coat the avocados.

Stir in the pico de gallo, garlic, oil, jalapeño, salt, red pepper, and black pepper, mashing and tossing the avocado pieces until thoroughly mixed.

Garnish with a sprig of cilantro.

Place avocado pit back into bowl. The pit keeps the guacamole fresh when at room temperature.

But alert readers know that I never do anything normal, I like to jazz things up.

Margarita Guacamole

Do up the basic Guacamole recipe only add ½ cup chopped scallions, 3 tablespoons gold tequila and 3 tablespoons margarita mix. Serve in a salt rimmed glass serving dish.

The avocado at one time was called an alligator pear and since then guacamole has seen added to it tomatoes, lemon juice, sour cream, chili or yogurt.

How about a Greek Guacamole?

2 Ripe Avocados

1 Tbsp. Fresh Lemon Juice

¼ Cup Cherry Tomatoes (cut in halves or quarters if large)

1/3 Cup Finely Diced Cucumber, Seeded

¼ Cup Chopped Red Onion

¼ cup Pitted, Chopped Kalamata Olives

¼ Cup Crumbled Feta Cheese

1 Tsp. Chopped, Fresh Oregano

Coarsely mash (DO NOT PUREE) avocados; stir in lemon juice. Fold in remaining ingredients.

Who doesn’t like bacon? Or bleu cheese?

3 Avocados

3 Strips Hickory-Smoked Bacon, Crumbled

¼ Cup Bleu Cheese or Gorgonzola, Crumbled

¼ Red Onion, Chopped

1 Roma Tomato, Chopped

1 Jalapeno Chopped

1 Tsp. Garlic, Minced

Juice of ½ Fresh Lime

2 Tbs. Fresh Cilantro, Chopped

Hot sauce


Chili Powder

Combine onion, tomato, jalapeno, cilantro, and garlic in a bowl. Mix well, cover, and sit in refrigerator for at least 60 minutes.

Chop 1 avocado into small chunks. Add to bowl with other ingredients

Mush remaining 2 avocados and add to bowl. Fold into mixture.

Add blue cheese and bacon crumbles. Fold again — try not to stir the guacamole up too much, as you want to maintain the firmness of the avocados as much as possible.

Add Tabasco, chili powder, cumin powder. Fold in as necessary

Squeeze 1/2 lime over mixture. Fold in again and garnish with cilantro.

There you have it, more than you probably want to know about guacamole. I’ve got to go now, I’m writing my next column, “17 ways to poison your spouse and get away with it”.

Hasta la vista everybody!

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