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10 Ways For Men to Know She’s Just Not That Into You

She's plotting her exit out of a very bad, very boring date
She's plotting her exit out of a very bad, very boring date
Fotolia LLC/Deborrah Cooper

Most men are natural hunters, and will pursue the woman of their dreams with a single minded fervor that is unwavering. Every man I’ve ever met believes he has what it takes to win a woman over, in spite of her assertions that she is only mildly interested if at all. But what happens when the woman of his dreams sees him as the Freddie Kruger of her nightmares?

Because women are trained from birth to be polite and not hurt people’s feelings, much of what women say is transmuted via non-verbal communication. Men don’t always understand subtlety or body language however, which means women “speak” in a manner that the unaware man won’t get. This article is designed to make you aware of when a woman is communicating that she’s just not that into you.

As the self-appointed translator of Womanese into Manspeak, take a read and see if any of these “get lost buddy” behaviors have recently been demonstrated by a female love interest. If so, prepare yourself… your dream of happily ever is about to crash and burn.

  1. She gave you the wrong phone number. Though she was giving you the short answers and only half listening to yours, you thought she was hot and wanted to get together again. She didn’t respond immediately… it was almost like she didn’t hear you. The fourth time you asked, she said “okay, okay” with slight irritation in her voice. You kept pressing for a phone number anyway. So she gave you one.
  2. She hesitates when you ask her out or gives an excuse for why she's busy. Now there are some valid reasons she might have such as a school or work deadline that would prevent her from saying “yes,” but a woman that is interested will ask for a rain check and explain WHY she is unavailable. She may also provide an alternate date to see if that is okay with your schedule. But if she just says “I’ll have to see” or “hmmmm” while looking down at the floor or the wall, it means she isn’t really interested. She’s hesitating because she’s trying to figure out a polite way to break the news to you.
  3. She doesn’t text you back. After a date and a couple of phone conversations, you text and ask her to contact you to set something up for the next weekend. But she doesn’t text you back. If she does text, it’s a one or two word response – just enough to give you an answer but nothing specifically endearing. If she does respond you must remember, she’s just being polite.
  4. She insists on going Dutch. When you initiated the date, it was understood that you were taking her out to lunch. However, when the bill came she pulled out a $20 and said she was happy to pay for herself. Some guys would be thrilled and think they got off the hook and have a modern woman that will pay her own way. What they don’t understand is this is a clear signal that she doesn’t want you to feel had or used financially in any way now that she has discovered that you are not her cup of tea. She will seek to block any ideas of ownership you may have, and to curtail development of any emotional connection. Establishing boundaries with regards to male “caretaking” behaviors is mandatory in such situations.
  5. She refuses to accept gifts or favors from you. The boundaries and “caretaking gestures” issue again. She is not going to accept a stick of gum, a box of candy, a drink, even flowers on her birthday; she doesn’t want you to fix her tire, drive her to the airport, or mow her lawn – she wants nothing from you. When you show up with a surprise and she says “you shouldn’t have,” she really means it.
  6. You’re caught in voicemail hell. You know it’s the right number… you recognize her voice on the greeting! Yet you can never reach her by phone. Understand that caller I.D. is the best thing in the world for single women, and one that we judiciously use to screen creepy unwanted guys from our world. If she never picks up your call, it means you’ve been screened right out of the picture dude.
  7. She talks to you, but keeps her physical distance. You find her very attractive and feel the urge to get touchy-feely and romantic. She, however, keeps a minimum of 15” between you at all times. She also keeps a tight grip on her handbag so you can’t possibly try to hold her hand. She announces several times that she doesn’t believe in kissing on the first date. You’ve been put in The Friend Zone dude, and you are never coming out.
  8. You’re not the one. You initially met when out with groups of your friends. Though she danced and laughed with your buddy Rick more than she did you, you found a way to keep yourself in the game by joining them at the bar for a cozy three-some. You insisted on buying her drinks when she told you she already had one. You even coaxed her into dancing with you when you could see she was tired and sweaty from dancing with Rick. She gave you her number at the end of the evening when you asked for it, but she didn’t ask you to call her. When you did call a couple of days later, she didn’t seem to want to know much about you. Instead, she was full of questions about Rick.
  9. You have 45 second phone calls. Every single time you call, she can’t talk right now. Her cell phone battery is about to die. She was just on her way out the door to get in the car and doesn’t have her Bluetooth headset so she can't drive and talk to you at the same time. She has shampoo in her hair and now its getting in her eyes. Her mother is on the other line and its long distance and she can't keep her waiting. Actually, she was just about to call her boss when you called. She’ll have to call you back. But she never does. She's wondering when you are going to get a clue and stop calling.
  10. She’s not paying much attention and sounds distracted. You’re chatting on and on excitedly about your day, your life, your thoughts. Her contribution to the conversation consists of occasional cavewoman grunts. If you are face to face, she is looking everywhere but at you, doing all she can to avoid eye contact. She’s not laughing at your jokes, and is giving one word answers (if that) to your questions. A woman interested in getting to know a new guy hangs onto his every word and laughs at his stupid jokes even if they aren’t funny. She’s trying to be polite and not hurt your feelings. But if she’s not really THERE with you, take it as a sign that her mind is somewhere else, just like you should be.

The ins and outs of dating can be challenging, no argument there. But beginning a new romance can be a lot less challenging if men would learn to recognize the signs women give off when they are not interested in you “like that.”

Frequently, a guy will take the friendship a woman offers, secretly looking for a way in down the road. Don’t do it! When she finds out you played a covert game of manipulation she won’t trust you, and you’ll get the boot anyway.

Sometimes a woman’s lack of interest is obvious to your friends, your family, even Stevie Wonder… everyone can see it BUT you. Using this list as a guideline can help men get clear on where they stand with a woman. That way you’ll know if her “on the fence” interest can be swayed in your favor, or if trying to get with her is a waste of time.


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