Have you ever asked yourself what it means to be a really great lover?
Being a great lover means different things to different people. I'm often amazed by the different responses I get from friends when I ask them what are the qualities that make someone a really great lover. Many women have never really experienced being with a man who knows how to pleasure her and so she may feel that that is all there is to sex. It is still a fact that only 25% of women have orgasms with intercourse. Of course intercourse is only part of love making not the whole thing. What truly makes a person a fabulous lover encompasses many things.
Now I must admit that my standards are bit higher than most, perhaps because I'm a teacher of the art of lovemaking and sacred sexuality. So of course my standards are not the norm. But if it is true that you get what you expect, then I have to say that for the most part I have really had the crème de la crème of lovers.
The “I want a man with a slow hand”, is not so far off from the truth for most women. Lovemaking requires finesse and skill and is not something that is done quickly. Oh yes, we can enjoy the quickie every now and then, but not as a steady diet. I have found that it takes time and practice to really learn about a person’s body and what they like and dislike sexually. To really become an adept at lovemaking it takes more than just knowing the basics.
So I have come up with a list of what I consider to be qualities and skills that make a person a really good lover, for both women and men.
- Feeling confident and self assured but not arrogant.
- Having good communication skills.
- Sincerely caring about your partner’s needs and making her feel comfortable
- Educating yourself about women's sexuality and how to please your woman and women in general.
- Being willing to be your partner’s sexual healer if necessary.
- Being open to trying new things at least once before you say no.
- Being able to leave your ego by the bedroom door
- Learning what turns your partner on and remembering it.
- Taking the time to learn how to master your own sexual energy.
- Taking your time with building the energy, having a “slow hand” and a “light touch”
- Feeling confident and self assured about your sex appeal
- Loving, or at least liking, your body just the way it is
- Having good communication skills and learn how to ask for what you want.
- Becoming familiar what you like and what you dislike.
- Sincerely caring about your partner’s needs and comfort.
- Being willing to try something new at least once.
- Educating yourself about male sexuality and what pleases your partner.
- Being willing to initiate sex some of the time
- Not being afraid to abandon yourself to the moment to your passion and make sounds and noises.
- Giving yourself permission to have as many orgasms as you can.
These lists are what I feel makes women and men not just good lovers but really great ones. Again, being a great lover takes time and training and is something you can cultivate with your partner. If you are single I encourage you take a few classes or a workshop on Tantra or on sex. You might be surprised how many workshops there are that teach how to touch or kiss or give pleasure. Even reading a few books Great Lover Playbook, Hot Body, a Complete Guide to Your Erogenous Zones and watching a few videos can teach you a lot. Tantra.com has one of the best video educations on sex and tantric lovemaking. More University has wonderful workshops on communication and how to give expanded orgasms, women’s and men’s physiology and how to tune into energy. We live in a time when there is more information on sex and lovemaking than ever before. Take advantage of what is available and give yourself and your partner the gift of being an amazing lover, someone they will never forget.