Hello everyone! Happy Monday :) Today's topic is 10 things women do that scare men away. Some sound silly, but actually do happen quite often (TheDatingDiva has heard it ALL!) and some are so true based on research and observation! Enjoy this list, and let me know if you have any others to add by leaving me a comment on my blog nancythedatingdiva.com. Thanks.
1. Complaining too much. On the first few dates I've told you ladies to maximize your positive reactions and limit your negative ones greatly! There's a reason for this. Men want to feel like they are doing a good job to please you and to make you smile. When they feel what they're doing is NOT having the desired effect of making you happy, then they retreat, start to feel hopeless like nothing they ever do pleases you, and eventually look to other women for that recognition and appreciation. Your complaints may have nothing to do with the man (you're complaining about the horrible food at the restaurant or the boring movie he took you to see) but to him it's personal (he can't help it!). He still takes it as though you are not having a good time and it's because he is partly responsible. No one wants to feel that way! Read this blog post and learn how to get your attitude right for your next date, including the 411 on accepting gifts graciously and the importance of that in the beginning of dating!
2. Calling too much. Let the men chase you! Calling or texting a man too much is a turn off. Let him miss you enough to reach out to you. I'm not going to go too much further into this one because everyone has a different idea of how much is too much! But I will tell you this--women place waaaaaaaaaaaaay toooooo much emphasis on whether or not the man is calling or texting them everyday to "check in" (as they call it) or calling or texting them goodnight or good morning every single day! Women focus on this so much at the exclusion of other so much more important things in dating! Whether he calls you everyday or texts you goodnight doesn't mean ONE thing about his character and whether he'd be a good husband long-term! It's true it might make you feel desired or loved while dating, but it's not the sort of thing you should be worried about all the time. You should, however, be observing his CHARACTER (does he do what he says he will, is he loyal? is he generous/cheap/overly spender? Is he kind to you and other people in his life? ETC.!). So while you may desperately want that GOODNIGHT call, reel it in and ask yourself, "Is he asking me out every week for Saturday nights?" "Does he make an effort to ask for dates and does he follow through? Or is he cancelling on me at the last minute with some lame excuse?" "Does he remember my birthday and make special plans w/me on holidays? Or does he say he doesn't believe in Valentine's Day and does nothing special for me that day like send flowers or take me out to eat?" Come on, ladies! Focus on what's important and STOP putting so much emphasis on whether he calls/texts/emails you everyday (because what matters is his actions--is he consistently asking you out for weekend dates and/or traveling to come see you from overseas if you're long-distance). Wake up and pay attention to what REALLY matters in dating! What really matters in choosing a long-term partner or a husband. It'll be worth it if you do!
3. Acting extremely jealous. You can be jealous at times and that is okay! But what we're talking about is extreme jealously and trying to control his every move! You might not see yourself as possessing these characteristics, but read this blog post and ask yourself "Am I too controlling?"
4. Sleeping with a man too soon. You've undoubtedly heard this so many times, so you might ask yourself, why do I keep repeating it? Well, because it still happens all too often! I get so many questions from subscribers and from clients who wish to reverse the negative effects having sex too soon with a man they really liked had on their relationship. While sometimes it's salvageable, oftentimes it's not! Of course, you may say to me "But all of my friends do it!" Or "I live in the city, it's the norm here", or you might ask condescendingly, "Who waits anymore?!" Or "How else am I going to get a man?" Come on ladies! Be honest with yourself. The truth is having sex too soon snuffs out the fire in the relationship. Yes, we've all heard of that one couple who had sex on the first date and are now married with children. We know! But for the most part, that will NOT be you! Stop asking your male friends, gay friends, girl friends for validation on this one! If you truly felt good about sleeping with men so soon and having them dump you or disappear on you then you wouldn't feel so bad inside. You wouldn't feel like you did something that maybe you shouldn't have. That feeling is there for a REASON! Pay attention. Feelings are meant to guide us forward in our lives.
5. Showing up unprepared for the date. You're either an hour or more late, looking frazzled in your gym clothes, or still in the shower when he rings your doorbell! Don't be one of those women who can't seem to get it together! A serious man looking for a wife is not going to like the fact that you are all over the place, unorganized and a little confused. That type of woman does not make the best mother or wife. Not every man is on the hunt for a wife, but men do notice the little things, and if you are all out of sorts he will file it in the back of his mind! Don't give him an excuse to let you go, express your best self.
6. Acting disrespectful. This could be as subtle as teasing your date about his weight or his choice of clothes in front of others or all out fighting/yelling/cursing at him for being late or doing something else to bother or annoy you! Be a lady and express your dissatisfaction appropriately! Watch my video and learn the right way to express your dissatisfaction to men. Short, sweet and to the point! And don't forget to be no where on the planet to be found if he greatly disappoints you, stands you up, or is taking you for granted. Read more about this in my book today.
7. Facial hair and long arm hair. Sounds gross, right? Well, unfortunately there are some women who perhaps can't see very well or don't think it's as important (as men do) to get rid of unwanted facial hair. If you have any sort of unpleasant facial hair around your hair line, upper lip, chin, etc. then pleaseeeeee get it waxed, lasered or removed permanently somehow! Men do notice there things ladies! It's not pretty ; / A word on long arm hair, and I'm sorry for sounding kinda gross, but I do need to say this as its summer time and I have seen my fair share of gorgeous ladies with dark, long hair on their arms. If you are one of them, please wax, shave, laser or remove this hair somehow! It is not a good look. I know in some countries/cultures it is acceptable to leave arm hair, but even so, it does not look feminine or ladylike and makes any outfit you're wearing look less attractive! Take the hint and go get a fresh wax today ; )
8. Bringing a friend along to the date. Believe it or not this does happen quite often! If your date knows you're bringing a friend (you've made it clear) or it's a double date, then go for it. But never show up to a date with a friend without first letting your date know! Where are your manners? Maybe you're nervous or want backup in case you're not feeling him, but it's really not fair for you to bring an entourage while he's left to sit there solo! It's nerve wracking for the man too, and besides, don't you want some alone time to get to see if he's the man for you? Ditch your friend this time and come out solo for the date!! Plus, what if he likes her better? How will you feel then?
9. Showing zero interest in your date. I do advocate playing a little hard to get in the beginning, however what I'm talking about here is when you're acting cold to your date for no apparent reason! Some women get nervous or feel awkward so they automatically give off a cold, standoffish vibe. If this is you, then please get over this. Just relax and radiate peace and happiness and goodwill towards all ; ) If you feel yourself getting all tense, then take a few deep breaths and tell yourself it will all be okay, or if you must then take a bathroom break, call a friend who will tell you to relax, and go back to the date feeling refreshed! Be sweet, be yourself, but most of all remember cool actions, warm words. It's the magic combination to winning a man's heart.
10. Asking for money for gas or for a cab ride home. I know this might sound crazy, but I've had quite a number of women tell me they've done this! Remember I have a newsletter where every week women submit their dating questions to me, and although I can't possibly answer every single one, I do answer every question to the best of my ability! I've heard some crazy stories through my submissions, and you can submit your dating dilemmas to me here. Anyways, as I was saying, please don't ever ask your date ever for money EVER! It's unacceptable, makes you look like a gold digger, and you definitely don't want to give off THAT impression (God knows we already have enough rap songs about women being gold diggers! Kanye!). While it's fine that you accept kind treatment from men, dinners and movies out and presents graciously, asking for money is a big no, no.
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