Tadpole eyebrows? Glittery eyeshadow? 4 coats of foundation? Nope, nope, nope. If you're out of the college age range, you'll notice that you have new needs and wants from a beauty ritual. Note: if you don't actually do all of these, don't yell at me. I'll be too busy steaming out my pores and not meaning to be taken so seriously.
1) You start noticing that you can put makeup on your eyebrows, and thick, well defined brows actually soften your face and can really change the way it looks. Let's be real here, tadpole brows ain't gonna look good on nobody. I even drew a pair on a photo of Beyoncé to check. No bueno. Go pick up Anastasia's Brow Wiz and never look back.
2) You start wanting to wear neutral eyeshadow. Not as in, nothing at all, but not bright shimmery purple, either. Probably because that would not look cool smeared all over your face when your boss catches you sneaking a few z's at your desk. Yeah, that would be his or her biggest concern. Ease the pain with the Naked palette by Urban Decay.
3) You want to put all of your brushes and lipsticks and mascaras and blah blah blah blah blah in pretty organizers and display them proudly. A well lit vanity, or "battlestation", is on the top of your wishlist. I'm looking at you, MakeupAddiction on Reddit.
4) You start spending serious cash on skincare. Not just the twice a year installment of the Proactiv system that your mom got you started on when you were 12 (which actually does a nice job) but as in, get-in-the-car-loser-we're-going-Sephoraing skincare - peels and lotions and cleansers and eye creams and a Clarisonic. Makeup looks better on a well maintained face, lovelies!
5) You floss every day. Every. Day.
6) BB Creams are not a fad. You'll splurge on them, because they are magical fusions of heaven's light and moisture kisses for your face. I like YSL's Top Secrets All-In-One. You'll love looking all dewy and glowy and all avoiding-skin-cancer-with-the-SPFy.
7) Glitter and seriously shimmery products will start making you notice your pores, and you will not like this. Highlighter, on the other hand, is your friend. Benefit has High Beam, and it's amaze.
8) Argan oil on your face, on your hair, on your hands, everywhere. Well, not EVERYWHERE. I can't see that ending up well.
9) You'll want to contour. Bronzer underneath your cheekbones, on your forehead, maybe your nostrils, you'll just really want to change the shape of your face. And you'll be very bad at it, at first. Fear not - #itgetsbetter.
10) You'll start looking up pictures of Beyoncé to see how much more beautiful she's gotten since yesterday. No? Just me? What?