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Say hello to your new neighbor
Like we didn’t have enough to worry about… now, apparently, the next big threat to society as a whole is the humble Burmese python.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart aired a segment tonight providing details on this possible catastrophe as it slithers from the swamps of Florida. Mr. Stewart may host a comedy show, but this sure as heck ain’t a laughing matter.
Burmese pythons- which, as you may have guessed, are not indigenous to the US- make for popular pets amongst monosyllabic offshoots of South Floridian society. These dungaree-sporting mouth breathers tend to tire of their toys and pets quickly, and thus dump the snakes in the fertile, snake-friendly swamps of the Everglades. Snakes also find their way into the swamps via nature’s vacuum, the hurricane. Hurricanes in this part of the States are capable of wiping out entire towns- including pet stores. Guess where the snakes go when they’re freed from their cages?
Burmese pythons are some truly ravenous suckers. Rabbits, domestic cats and dogs, raccoons, deer and even adult alligators are just some of the items on the menu for what is shaping up to be southern Florida’s dominant species. The Burmese, originating from South East Asia, can grow over 16 feet and weigh over 150 pounds. Now imagine one of these hellish serpents taking up residence in your backyard.
Apparently, conditions in the southern portions of the United States are perfectly conducive for Burmese python lovemaking. This is a definite worry, as to say these things breed like rabbits is a dangerous statement. Rabbits are not disposed to or capable of eating you whole. Either way, these beasts are moving on up from established breeding grounds in the Everglades and heading north in search of greener pastures.
I, for one, will not wait for the pythons to take my family and my land. I propose we bring the fight to them.
So if you’re on humanity’s side, join me. Time is of the essence- even as I write these words, their relentless march forward continues.
Come on South Floridians, I know you’ve got military-grade caches of illegal weaponry stashed all over the place. It’s time to break out those goodies and take up arms against our reptilian oppressors. Get out to the Everglades and center your sights on the beasts.
Let’s send these belly-sliding invaders back to the dank, dark Hell they slithered out from.
Either that, or Americans can stop keeping deadly animals as pets.
There are now only 1372 days left until the End of the World.
Comments
Just because they are invading species does not mean you need to advocate a bunch of people going around and killing these innocent snakes. Its not the snakes fault that the owners couldnt handle them, so why kill them. Wrangle them up and send em back to asia or something but to tell everybody to go around and kill these snakes is still wrong and absurd and I cant believe you would even publish an article saying this.
Jon Q is a whiner and he smells like Mexico.
I thought it interesting that the story was on the Daily Show the day after St. Patrick's Day, the saint who "drove" all the snakes out of Ireland. Maybe they should find a modern St. Patrick to drive the snakes out of Florida or myabe the snakes will run up against the Aftican Killer Bees
Jon, I thought my tone came through jokey enough. My apologies. I don't advocate everybody going around killing these snakes. Just trained professionals. Personally, I hope they make them suffer. In the spirit of good St. Patrick, these snakes need to be made an example of.
Jon's comment is loaded with unintentional comedy...
As the proprietor of JF's Free Range Rabid Jaguar Farm, I propose that we simply release rabid jaguars (which I will supply, for a nominal fee) into the wild to eat the snakes. Problem solved!
hogs will eat snakes. wild hogs will do that. and if a snake bites a hog. They will suck up a rattlesnake any day.. If it bites them it wont hurt them.. They got tough skins.. and it is wrong to kill the snakes..they big enough to swollow a child.. can they get over a fence? hope not..lol
This is why I refuse to go to Florida. I had a hard enough time when I had my run-in with a cottonmouth in the lake by my friend's house.
Jon you are right zin Asia They are Endagered Ship Them Back to Asia because,They have been wiped out for snake Skin.I Currently raise Burmese Pythons and retics,And so you know Jf-A burmese Python could Eat a Jaguar anyday.....And it is not hard finding another owner for snakes i see ads and People wanting Huge ones all the time I haev no clue why they let them go,Travis-Reptile owner!
Uh...thank you! Something must be done about this snake epidemic!!! It is bad enough that these snakes are threatening the endangered species on the Everglades...but they are now becoming a threat to mankind. From now on...lets stick to dogs and cats as household pets and leave the Burmese python in their native lands!
The constant eradication is not needed!!! These snakes did not have a choice to be dumped into the wild and should not be killed. There's an oasis of other and better ways to solve this problem. They can be exported to their natural habitat. Southeast Asia where they're hunted for skins leather the pet trade and food and have an use there. Also there are many zoos would be happy to take in these unwanted animals and give them a good home. Why should the snakes suffer they did nothing intentionally wrong. Now i do understand the crisis at stake of the endangered species which is exactly why i posted many solutions. Dont you think that jaguar thing is a bit unusual and weird. I mean they could bite humans and wreak havoc and its not right to short out and infect these animals life for a solution thats not smart at all!
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These snakes never did anything to us so they should be treated like we would like to be treated. And also I fell that they shouldnt be saying how many more days we are to live because you guys are not God. - A student from Clearwater Fundemental MS 6th grade. I LOVE SNAKES
The usa should have a reptile rules like down in australia were we can only keep australian native reptiles so if it gets out we dont get problems like this. Also if u can buy exotic anminals they should make it hard by making u have a licence for it fees for it and stuff like that. Its not the burmese pythons fault they are just surving.
"Let’s send these belly-sliding invaders back to the dank, dark Hell they slithered out from." that statement is sadly more fitting for humans, we as a species feel we own everything,your either a person or property, nature has no rights anymore, without us life on earth would thrive, what would we be without life on earth? gone. I understand killing them is the fastest way to get rid of them before they damage the ecosystem we have put them in, but saying the slithered out of dark hell is pathetic, they kill to eat ,to live, not for joy like you intend to.
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