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Remember when you were seven and decided that you were mad at your best friend? You gave them the silent treatment as punishment. Well, I hate to break it to you but over ten years later we still tend to do this. You’d think it’s one of those things which we’d eventually grow out of, but you’re wrong. However, the worst part is that we’re old enough to let our pride and stubborn personalities get in the way of apologizing or accepting apologies.
Most students go away to college. They leave everything and, probably, everyone they’ve ever known to go live in a new city for four years. In this kind of situation, it’s likely that your new friends become your family. You have classes together, you eat together, and, in some instances, you even live together. During all of this, you’re bound to get in a fight or two, and it’s possible they won’t talk to you for a day or two. Don’t freak out; this is normal. However, if they proceed to ignore you for more than a couple of days, you have a problem.
You could just go about your life and pretend that nothing happened, hoping that they’ll eventually get over it. But, if they’re in your close group of friends, this can get annoying really fast. My advice is to suck up your pride, even if you didn’t do anything wrong, and try apologizing. Then, a few days after they forgive you, you can approach the subject from your point of view.
However, if they still refuse to talk to you after you’ve apologized, there are a few other options you can try. There’s always the “having a mutual friend intervene” technique, but that’s generally categorized as not classy and might make them madder.
When all else fails, give a college student food. Offer to take them out to dinner or bake them cookies. Or do something incredibly random, like sending them a pineapple. It might sound strange but works. Food is food.
In rare cases, even this won’t work. I only have one more suggestion. Make them something that they’d really care about and shows how sorry you are. For instance, make them a CD with songs that show how you’re feeling and record your own track as the first song. Don’t tell them who it’s from; they might not listen to it. But it’ll show them how much they mean to you and how truly sorry you are.
I’m sure you can think of dozens of other ways to show someone that you’re sorry. But my number one advice is to not let it get you down. You’re only young once and need to enjoy as much of that time as possible. Get your friend back, but don’t end up hurting yourself in the process. After all, they’ll come back eventually, or they weren’t really ever your friend to begin with.
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Comments
very insightful. i am impressed.
huh, i guess this may be a method i'll have to try next time something like this happens. i usually just wait it out or apologize over and over.
Hi Shannon,
Having recently written a whole book about how to make effective apologies, I'd say you're pretty close to right on. You have to be careful about giving gifts with an apology, though. If the person sees the gift as a bribe, you'll do more harm than good.
Great advice to apologize in person, though. E-mail and text messages don't work well at all!
Lauren Bloom
Author, "The Art of the Apology - How to Apologize Effectively to Practically Anyone"
I agree with everything you have said, but I especially believe in the last point. Don't worry, be happy now. You are only young once.
Thanks a lot I'll be trying that today!
I have a related question, what if you are discussing something, and the person gets mad at you and won't talk but won't explain why?
I'm sending him a pineapple tomorrow.
no, really.
Most of your advice sounds incredibly immature.
Apologizing when you did nothing wrong is no way to build a relationship. If the other person did something wrong & then gives you the silent treatment as punishment and you respond to that by apologizing just to keep the peace, you could be creating a real problem for yourself. People who act like this are mentally & emotionally abusive. If you apologize when you have done nothing wrong, my guess is that it won't be the last incident & things will eventually escalate.
Pretending that nothing happened - also no way to build a relationship. This is a dishonest way of dealing with things. Clearly if you aren't speaking there is a problem that needs to be dealt with, not swept under the carpet.
Peace offerings, such as food? Well maybe, but giving someone food or a CD is not going to change the fact that the problem hasn't been dealt with.
I guess if you are dealing with immature people who are easily distracted by gifts this one may work.
All in all a very disappointing article.
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