When reality TV hit big, I was thrilled. Finally, we'd arrived at an era when one need not be model-thin or actress-pretty to be on TV. Plus, most contestants are voted off or fired, and for me, getting fired is a comfort zone.

I've been fired from every place I ever worked; I've been fired from places where I was never hired; I've even gotten fired from other people's jobs. So I just had to try out for Donald Trump's "The Apprentice" and hear those two famous, reassuring words.

And still I was worried about my weight; I'm not in ideal form, and I'd never seen a fat Apprentice. What if the producers told me I first needed to go on "The Biggest Loser" and drop 60 pounds—and then try "The Apprentice"? That gave me an idea for a new reality series: combine the two shows and call it "The Biggest Loser Apprentice": you have to lose weight while trying to become the next Apprentice.

I was thinking about how to submit the idea when I was distracted by another great reality competition, "So You Think You Can Dance." I started imagining my audition there, but somewhere that one went wrong too, and I could hear the judges telling me I was at the wrong tryout--that I was probably looking for "So You Thought You Could Dance."

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Then I started thinking about my favorite reality show, "Dog the Bounty Hunter". I've fallen for that sappy guy and have come to envy the kindness his captives get from him. For a minute I even thought about moving to Hawaii and becoming an ice head just to get some of the Dog's love.

Hey--what about all those hook-up reality shows? I remember one called "Are You Hot?" which I answered to myself, "Well I used to be hot." Does that count for anything? Maybe it could: why not have a show called "Did You Used to be Hot?" I could bring a photo of me in lingerie at age 18 so people could see how hot I was, and know that I had brains AND beauty--just not at the same time. I decided on a game show format: contestants would try to match up faded beauties, obese people and senior citizens to photos of them when they were young and attractive.

Another fun show is MTV's "Pimp My Ride", in which the rapper Xzibit transforms people's hideous clunkers into souped-up gangsta mobiles. Imagine cross-breeding it with one of the ghost hunter programs and calling it "Pimp My Ghost": people already acquainted with the spirits in their midst think their ghosts could use a makeover for the modern era: "Yo, I know the ghost is there, but do something about those tired clothes!"

Such a hybrid idea could help NBC with its show "To Catch a Predator," which has advertisers uneasy about men being lured into a house with the promise of underage sex, and instead being met by the show's host and local police. I've got a show that will make everyone happy: there are a lot of child molesters out there, but there are also a lot of underage terrorists.

So if you're a sexual predator, hang out in jihad chat rooms and pretend you're interested in coordinating a terror attack. Arrange a meeting with an aspiring young terrorist, and when he gets there, NBC and Homeland Security will nab him. Embarrassed, the teen will protest that he came for terrorism, not sex:

"He told me he wanted to buy nerve gas, but when I got there all he wanted was sex!" The molester will counter, "Hey, I'm just helping the War on Terror; if it leads to sex, that's not my fault." (To Catch a Predator…and a Terrorist)

Truly, my show concepts could fill an entire season. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go check when the next auditions are for "Last Comic Standing". Because I'm starting to feel like the Last Comic Sitting.

Julia Gorin is an opinion writer and comedian blogging at JuliaGorin.com and PoliticalMavens.com.