BALTIMORE (Map, News) - This is about Stacy Weibley, whose education at the Johns Hopkins University helps tell us how far we’ve come with our acceptance of other people’s sexuality.

Pretty far, says the scholarship she received. Not so far, says her life.

She goes for her doctorate in public health with financial assistance from the Point Foundation, a publicly supported organization whose scholarships are granted to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students. The California-based foundation not only grants aid — its public relations literature proudly announces the recipients’ identities and their accomplishments.

That’s a pretty good trumpet blast that used to be a whisper. It says sexual minorities — once forced to closet themselves in shame — are now declaring their full citizenship and not feeling they have to hide from anyone.

Though Weibley’s life suggests how far the country still has to go.

She is 32 now and finishing her doctorate on sexuality and mental health issues. It’s been a pretty rough journey, growing up with little money, a single mother and a father who abandoned them when Stacy was a child. The father went to the cleaners one day and never came back. He subsequently had nine wives.

So much for heterosexual family values.

Stacy, the first in her family to go to college, learned about the Point Foundation scholarships about a year ago — which was about a year after she had finally telephoned her mother, in Delaware, to say what she’d been struggling to say for a long time.

“I guess I’d been consciously aware of being a lesbian since early college,” Weibley says. “But, raised in a devoutly Catholic family, I was steeped in denial. And so was my mother. I remember the last meal the whole family had together, and an uncle saying to me, out of the blue, ‘A faggot’s just a faggot, Stacy.’ There was a lot of homophobia in the family. So when I finally got up the courage to tell my mother, I had to do it over the phone.

“I said, ‘Mom, I’ve been dating women.’

“She said something about knowing it, about not being surprised,” Weibley recalls. “She seemed embarrassed. But then, when we talked about it a second time she said, no, no, of course she didn’t know. She said, ‘How could I know?’

“I think what she was telling me was that if she had known, she was somehow to blame. And, if she didn’t know, it had nothing to do with her. So I said to her, ‘It’s not your fault.’ And she said, ‘Of course not. It’s your fault, not mine.’

“Rejection,” Weibley says, “it gets worse by the day.”

We live in a culture where some people still imagine homosexuality a casual lifestyle choice, like picking out a new wardrobe, and not a reflection of human DNA. And it’s a culture where some people still think it’s their business what goes on in the privacy of others’ bedrooms — as though this defines someone’s value as a human being.

The Point Foundation, which awarded 38 scholarships across the country this year — the average award was $13,600 — attempts to say otherwise.

“It’s changing,” Weibley says, “but our society doesn’t let us neatly wrap it up in a box. I deal with it on a daily basis.”

Just applying for the Point scholarship represented a challenge: It amounted to an announcement, beyond close friends, of her sexuality.

“I was in such desperate need,” she says, “for a feeling of family and community that it trumped all the challenges of applying for a scholarship. I mean, I’m out of the closet to everyone I know. But my mother’s still too embarrassed to tell her friends. But I see myself as an advocate. I want to share my story and help others with their struggles.”

She says she has a girlfriend, a massage therapist named Jenn Dragstra. They’ve been together for two years.

“I’m femmy, she’s not,” says Weibley. “We had rocks thrown at us one night in Washington. Some people screaming, ‘What are you doing with that dyke?’ A police officer hit her one night. People at work ask about my sex life. ‘How do you have sex?’ they’ll ask. Would they ask a heterosexual woman that question?”

The world changes, here and there. As she writes her doctoral dissertation — “The Relationship between Internalized Homophobia and Sexual Risk Taking Among Self-Identified Gay Men in Washington, D.C.”

At Johns Hopkins, Stacy Weibley’s a measure of how far we’ve come and how far we have to go.

molesker@baltimoreexaminer.com

Comments from Examiner Readers

4:19 AM MST on Thu., Sep. 27, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Examiner Reader said:
Hey, you edited out my comment, good as it was. OK, Olesker is not garbage. But where is the balance to this left wing buffoon? Also, why should Republicans come into Socialist Maryland?

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6:38 PM MST on Wed., Sep. 26, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Examiner Reader said:
Perhaps former Governor Erlich (The Regional Campaign Manager for Rudy) can explain, why his party continues to ignore the black vote. He might also explain to his party, what effect (if any) this strategy will have on his chance of winning a state-wide election in this state.

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5:22 AM MST on Wed., Sep. 26, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

serious marylander said:
The republican party has always treated minorities badly and I can handle that. as a democrat I feel that in 2007 we are also being treated badly by the democratic party as well because now we get taken for granted. I don't feel aligned with either party right now and Mrs. Clinton by herself is not enough of an answer for me. Both parties really stink right now and politicians are self serving rather than beign servants for those whom they are supposed to serve. America is in serious trouble but yet we stick our noses in everybodys problems.

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8:46 PM MST on Tue., Sep. 25, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Examiner Reader said:
"We need to find our common ground." Really? I thought real strength was in diversity. Damned liberals.

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6:10 PM MST on Tue., Sep. 25, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Josephine Perez said:
Race is just one of the things used to divide voters. That's american politics: divide the electorate and pander to the extreme fringes. Rally the liberals: tell them the GOP is racist. Rally the evangelicals: hype gay marriage. Then the people in the middle have no choice but to gravitate left or right. I'm a fairly moderate Dem, but all this polarizing has me looking for alternatives. For example, I support Unity08 because they are committed to the radical idea reuniting the American public under a platform of values we all share. We need to find our common ground. News stories like these are detrimental to finding that common ground. This just in: the GOP under George Bush has ignored EVERYBODY, not just blacks. Duh!

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8:10 AM MST on Tue., Sep. 25, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Greg said:
Just don't vote for a candidate that does not attend the debate. If the "top four" don't care enough about black people, then they won't get my vote. I normally vote Democrat, but I want a more conservative in the White House. This country's moral values are going in the toilet.

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8:02 AM MST on Tue., Sep. 25, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Examiner Reader said:
Why is it that at every opportunity journalist use race to divide the Amercian people. Is the author of this article really so stupid to belive that Republicans are unconcerned with the black vote? Come on man, contrary to the common misconception of you liberals with a little journalism degree haging on your wall, there are still people out here who have a brain. If you want promote the Democratic party, go down to your local Dem. party headquarters and volunteer.

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6:52 PM MST on Mon., Sep. 24, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Examiner Reader said:
Why the hell should the republicans main guys come here, a predominately democratic region. The countries smartest black politicians are in the republican party so let's not hear about that "cold shoulder" crap. This pathetic (Maryland) state gave it's first republican candidate in decades a one term chance before it baled out on him. The division between parties is downright childish and frankly I'm getting sick of it. All of you staunch left and right losers need to kiss my a** and stop screwing up the country. It not about black and white (I'm really sick of that one!) and it's not about left and right; it's about being objective responsible adults! It's about actually doing things to assure a safe, quality place for future generations and not just talking about it. All of you are a bunch of hypocritical selfish obstructionists. If I could afford to leave this phoney piece of a crap country I would do it. Now bring on the stupid childish replies. So predictable.

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4:52 PM MST on Mon., Sep. 24, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Richard, Knoxville, TN said:
You should also talk about why "the four horsemen" neglected the Eagle Forum / American Family Association debate. You are not alone. Don't make it look like it is isolated.

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3:35 PM MST on Mon., Sep. 24, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Examiner Reader said:
your whole basis for argument is just preposterous. We know that it is not about blacks for Rudy...Look at his city...and his city loves him..

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2:21 PM MST on Mon., Sep. 24, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Examiner Reader said:
A few years ago, I was so sick of the Democrats taking the black vote for granted, that I switched to the Republican party. I figured, "if the Democrats don't want to economically empower blacks through education and teaching us how to stand on our own, maybe those Millionaire Republicans can teach me a thing or two." Well they taught me something alright. The GOP taught me that if you aren't a bilble toting, rich (or rich wannabe) selfish, conservative (with closeted liberal fetishes) anti-everything that isn't white, then you are SOL. I recently switched my party affiliation back to Dem a little while ago. I figure, if you have to dance with a devil, at least dance with one that knows how to do the hustle, and can carry a tune! It is sad that the state of our country reflects so much of the Republican party. A bunch of old white men trying to tell us what to do. Well there has been 42 of them, and this country is in shambles. I think it is overdue that they take a break!

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1:44 PM MST on Mon., Sep. 24, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Some Candidates said:
It is not the GOP that is giving the cold shoulder. It is a few presidential candidates. And it is all Americans who are given the cold shoulder.

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1:40 PM MST on Mon., Sep. 24, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Examiner Reader: said:
Kevin Houston, excellent post.....I am glad you posted that before i did....because before you know it, some individuals will start screaming racism....when there's no evidence of it.

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11:59 AM MST on Mon., Sep. 24, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Mitch from Tallahassee said:
There is only one thing that will benefit all Americans, whether you're black, white, brown or purple: Freedom. There is only one candidate who is consistenly pro-freedom: Ron Paul. Please give him the opportunity to tell you his beliefs, you'll find that he has the formula for turning around the train wreck that our country is heading into.

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11:39 AM MST on Mon., Sep. 24, 2007 re: "GOP gives blacks the cold shoulder"

Keivn Houston said:
Instead of trashing the whole GOP because the mainstream-media candidates didn't show up, how about a little love for the candidates who did? The entire GOP didn't slap African-Americans in the face: Giuliani, McCain, Thompson, and Romney did. And it has nothing to do with race. These guys have not shown up for white folks either. (Values Voter debate being the most recent glaring example, but also TX straw poll, IA straw poll, NH debate etc, etc.) Paul, Huckabee, Brownback, Hunter, and Keyes are showing respect and making the effort. There is no call to treat them as if they were closet-dwelling sheet wearers. Let's not smear the entire party due to the action (or inaction in this case) of a few. Later, Kevin Houston Bridgewater

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5:34 PM MST on Wed., Aug. 8, 2007 re: "One student�s never-ending struggle"

Examiner Reader said:
Stacy Weibler, in giving this interview to a newspaper reporter, suggests to me that you are clammoring for attention and publicity over your sickening lifestyle. I can assure you, Stacy, that if you were my daughter, you would no longer be a member of my family.

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