The District of Columbia is about 40 miles south of Baltimore, but to our city’s residents, it’s in a different world — like the one very south of heaven — when it comes to sports. There’s little love between the cities, just hatred. Baltimoreans blame Redskins officials for trying to prevent their city from getting an NFL team after the Colts left in the middle of the night. And Washingtonians blame Orioles’ brass for doing their best to prevent Major League Baseball from expanding to the nation’s capital. Here are Examiner writer Dave Carey and columnist Tony Giro’s top reasons to disdain D.C. sports.

5. DC: Nationals Stadium. Camden Yards is a tribute to the ballparks of old. Nationals Stadium is a tribute to Hershey Park and the Mall of America. The new facility has seats so high fans have to wear oxygen masks— and most families never make it past the Build-A-Bear Workshop to get to their seats. Not that they were missing a much better product on the field. Yes, Giro, Nationals’ games are considered “programming” on MASN2.

5. TG: MASN/MASN 2. One, two, seven — who really cares how many channels there are when both are as bad as the teams they feature Plus, where can you find this ode to low definition? Is it channel 1, 512, 626, 671, 432 or 433. If you are unlucky enough to tune in, be prepared to make a choice between watching the smooth styles of John “Drinky” Riggins or Anita “Um, Um” Marks. The only thing more embarrassing than this abomination of programming is Carey’s collection of dress slacks with built-in elastic waist lines.

4. TG: Washington Capitals. During their 1974 inaugural season, the “Craps” came out of the gates red hot, posting an 8-67-5 record and have never looked back. Someone should tell Ted Leonsis it's OK to mix in a Stanley Cup every 33 years. Until Alexander Ovechkin saved the franchise, Dale Hunter could've walked through Verizon Center and single-handedly high-sticked everyone in attendance before the puck dropped. The best things about the Caps experience: the sultry sounds of the saxophone player outside the Metro stop and Carey making snow angels on the ice in between periods.

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4. DC: Washington Mystics. They’ve the WNBA in attendance — and in banners touting their “attendance title.” But don’t you think it’s a little unfair for a team to claim an attendance championship when it has a history of giving away so many free tickets? But don’t worry, they got next — the next to last reason to hate Washington sports. Giro doesn’t even have a response here because he’s still trying to comprehend the concept of women’s professional sports.

3. DC: Washington created a baseball team. D.C. can’t cast judgment on Baltimore for stealing the Browns because D.C. stole the Expos after seeing two other teams leave town. That’s like getting left by two wives before you steal someone else’s. Only if that stolen wife couldn’t hit, field, pitch and was a head case. What a catch! Sounds like the kind of girl Giro would date.

3. TG: Trying to claim the Maryland Terrapins. Nothing is more disturbing than this scene: Setting: Byrd Stadium. Character one: Man in Redskins jersey and Maryland hat. Character two: Man in Ravens jersey and Maryland hat. Working title: The End is Near. Why don’t you cheer for the University of the District of Columbia or one of the other fine institutions in the District. But if all else fails, simply act like Carey and hop on a new bandwagon when ever you feel like it.

2. TG: Jack Kent Cooke. Despite being so ugly he made Don Imus look handsome, Cooke married 5 times — or two more times than Dexter Manley was suspended for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy. Not only did the former Redskins owner try like hell to keep the NFL out of Baltimore, he tried to cram the ‘Skins down our throats like Carey crams egg rolls at a Chinese buffet. How can you like a man who built an erector set for a stadium, named it after himself and then tried to name the town Raljon?

2. DC: Joe Gibbs. He’s a Hall of Fame coach — before he returned to the game. All of his plaques in Canton, Ohio, should be changed to reflect the joke that was his comeback. Terrible play calling, personnel moves and coaching decisions were his undoing. But Washington fans did not want to admit it. Gibbs also is the only guy I know with more gray hair than Giro.

1. TG: Daniel Snyder: I'd pay the Redskins league-high ticket prices to sneak a peak at what would happen if Snyder was locked in room with all of his season-ticket holders. Apparently Snyder, who also is chairman of the board for Six Flags Inc., missed the sign that read “You must be this tall” to own an NFL team in front of FedEx Field. Oddly, Snyder is the same size as Carey’s lap dog.

1. DC: Washington stole the Bullets. And then made them terrible. They changed the color of their jerseys to teal — and sometimes gold — and renamed them the “Wizards.” That’s a bigger train wreck than the down fall of Britney Spears. But it gets better: The organization lied about the “Bullets/Wizards” returning to Charm City to play a few games each year. The only reason Giro doesn’t have this No. 1 is because he’s ashamed to wear his short-shorts out of the house.