Hot Read

BALTIMORE (Map, News) - Welcome to the first edition of The Examiner’s online exclusive “Hot Read,” a quick-hitting volt of humor into the loveable wide world of sports.

Adam “Don't call me PacMan” Jones has come full-circle as a professional athlete. From a partying outcast on the Titans to a misunderstood saint on the Cowboys, the suspended defensive back and appears to finally be drawing sympathy from fans across the county — thanks to radio host Don Imus.

Imus, who was fired for giving his opinion on the hairstyles of the Rutgers women's basketball players, did it again — implying Jones’ six arrests were not unusual for a black player.

Mr. Jones' response? Nothing short of epic: "Obviously Mr. Imus has problems with African-Americans. I'm

upset, and I hope the station he works for handles it accordingly. I will pray for him."

Without further adieu, the Top 5 Places that Adam Jones will pray:

1. Roger Goodell's office: Hey, if you have to convince the commish you’ve turned your life around, there’s no better place.

2. Nationals Park: What better place to go where no one will see you? He can even Build-a-Bear while he is at it. Too bad not even prayer will help the Nats this season.

3. Church: I'm pretty sure he's heard of these before and knows where they are located.

4. His house: Oh, right, it’s been foreclosed. Man, it’s a tough housing market.

5. A Las Vegas strip club: Maybe he is looking for God’s help to “make it rain.”

WHAT WE LIKED: Alabama linebacker Jimmy Johns was dismissed from the team on Tuesday on five accounts of distributing cocaine. It only took a player moving more white powder than a ski resort for Coach Nick Saban to act. Roll Tide? Parole Tide.

WHAT WE DIDN'T LIKE: Michael Strahan joining Fox's NFL studio show. OK, it's not that big of a deal because no one watches how terrible it's become because Joe Buck couldn't be a studio host on The View, but Strahan? If it

wasn't for Brett Favre telling him the play ahead of time, the wouldn't even hold the single-season sack record.

STAR OF THE DAY

Shaquille O'Neal

Not only does the post-LA ring count stand at 1-0 in favor of Kazaam, but in a rap battle, the Big Aristotle clearly wins out over the former Boulder County District Attorney Office’s  Athlete of the Year. Lookout Biggie, here comes Shaq with the line: "Tell me how my ass tastes."

To see Shaq’s performance, go to http://ballhype.com/video/shaq_uses_freestyle_rap_to_rip_on_kobe_for_losing_nba/

DONKEY OF THE DAY

CEDRIC BENSON

Yeah, it is just too easy to pick on this guy. After Benson averaged just 3.4 yards per carry last season, it's easy to see why he wants to drive everywhere he goes, even if he might be drunk. But Captain Benson — one mixed drink by land, two beers by sea — will have to even be wary of excessive mouth wash prior to driving from now on, as the former Chicago Bear was ordered by a Chicago judge to have an ignition-lock breath tester in his car.

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