Grief, sadness are Godly emotions

It first overwhelmed me when my dad died of Lou Gehrig’s Disease when I was 12. A few weeks ago, grief struck our family when my wife's mother passed away after battling lung cancer.

Unfortunately, some folks resort to trite sounding religious clichés that fail to comfort and can even damage the souls of those who are suffering. A little girl whose young father had died was told that “God must have needed your daddy to do some work in heaven.”

What was she to conclude? That God robs little girls of their dads for the sake of some unknown job? Our culture sometimes tries to put a pretty face on death, but all that Disney “circle of life” stuff does little good.

We can learn how to help those who grieve by understanding the story of Lazarus, a friend of Jesus. He lived in Bethany, and like so many of our loved ones became sick and died. When Jesus heard about it, he announced to his disciples that he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead and headed off to Bethany. When Jesus arrived, Lazarus' sisters angrily confronted him and said, “If you had been here, our brother wouldn't have died.”

Jesus assured them that their brother would live again. The assurance of eternal life is surely a comfort to people of faith, when spoken with the gentle confidence of one who both loves and believes. But the Bible tells us that Jesus did several other things before he called Lazarus from the tomb. In the English translations of the Bible, the story says that Jesus was twice “deeply moved in spirit.” The original Greek version is more emphatic — the word used to describe what Jesus was feeling means he was enraged — not at the sisters, but at death itself. Then, as he approached the tomb, Jesus’ friend John tells us that “Jesus wept.” Only after demonstrating both his anger and his sadness did Jesus call Lazarus to come forth.

So, how can this story help those comfort others who grieve? Look what Jesus did. First, he showed up and listened to his friends’ pain without judgment. Secondly, he assured them of the eternal life that God offers to all who believe. And finally, he demonstrated for them that it is actually Godly to become sad and angry in your grief over the death of a loved one.

The Apostle Paul, who wrote much of the New Testament of the Bible, told his friends in the Greek city of Corinth that death was “the final enemy.” So, when you sit quietly with those who are grieving and are fiercely angry over death, tell them God hates death so much that he came to Earth to defeat it himself.

And if you are not sure what to say, don't say anything. Just be there. No one should have to grieve alone.

Kevin McGhee is a senior pastor at Bethany Community Church in Laurel and a 1978 graduate of the United States Naval Academy. He can be reached at kmcghee@baltimoreexaminer.com