Mix of emotions rises to surface

“I was listening to the radio this morning when I was driving to campus and I heard a Nikki Giovanni voice clip from her poem last year, and my stomach just dropped,” said Maggie Feldman, a senior English major, referring to the poem the university professor read at the convocation the day after the shootings. “It just brought me back to that moment last year, and it’s really weird to think we're back to April 16th again.”

The immediate, overwhelming sense of panic surrounding the shootings of 32 students and faculty by a mentally ill student gunman a year ago slowly gave way to spending the beginning of summer break talking about the atmosphere the massacre created. Then there was the curiosity of what it would be like to return to campus in the fall.

Most students found they returned to a sense of normalcy. Certain things were different, as expected. Security was pervasive, and police messages of suspicious activity and crimes were more accessible, sometimes putting students on edge.

Eventually, talking about the shootings became somewhat taboo. Virginia Tech returned to being like any other campus, but the feeling of uneasiness had its way of creeping back in unexpected ways, such as walking across the Drillfield on the way to class and stopping by the memorial to reflect in silence, or how walking through the archway in Norris Hall, where most of the shootings occurred, sparked unwelcome images.

Even hearing a song that played frequently a year ago brings up memories of that windy day.

“Every time I pass by that memorial, I’m hit by a wave of sadness as I think about what was lost on that terrible morning, but I am also overwhelmed with feelings of hope,” said Sarah Long, a senior communication major.

Campus conversation about the shootings this year often has made April 16 a political issue: gun safety, mental health, campus security. Even the Yankees tribute baseball game became an issue because of limited seating with debates over who deserves to go and the ethics of scalping your ticket if you received one.

“People don't talk about the victims or about the camaraderie the school experienced after April 16 anymore. All I hear around campus anymore are people debating gun control or people talking about whether or not the school has done enough to protect the students or if they did enough on that day to protect us,” said Albert Bjork, senior political science major.

“What I miss is the Hokies being united together in remembrance of the people we lost, just being grateful to be part of such a great community instead of debating what more we could have done. I think that's the real change that's happened in the last year. People have forgotten how we came together and have started assigning blame to one group or another, and that’s a shame.”

Saira Haider is the managing editor of the Collegiate Times, Virginia Tech’s student newspaper.