Hey, Red Sox fan: Nuts to you!

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59 days ago: Football’s Southern gentleman returns to Baltimore

59 days ago: Pan and Praise: Football’s Southern gentleman returns to Baltimore

66 days ago: Ed Kowalczyk knocks 'em out at Pier 6

73 days ago: Q-Tip will get inside your head

80 days ago: Finally, political songs that pack a punch

87 days ago: Hollywood A-listers kiss B’more goodbye

129 days ago: Male revue wants its clothes back

143 days ago: Here’s one ‘hot’ ticket you can’t get

157 days ago: Specialty water could be the next hot mixer

171 days ago: New Kids on tour? We will be in the first row

BALTIMORE (Map, News) - By now you know who won the Orioles’ home opener this past Monday, but did you know a stadium hot dog is the perfect gesturing tool for some O’s fans? Or waving a Red Sox cap will get you a peanut in the eye? Just ask the jerk who stood in the aisle of Section 362, taunting the crowd by waving his Sox cap and shaking his butt.

He learned his lesson when the hero — or riot-inciter — of Birdland passed out bags of peanuts to beam at the obnoxious Sox fan. Showering the joker with nuts, O’s fans rallied when the players couldn’t. Wonder what fans will throw at slightly more obnoxious Yankees fans later this season?

Hours before the “nut” incident, our Opening Day began at 8 a.m. in search of the first drinker at Pickles Pub and Slider’s Bar and Grill. There wasn’t a drinker in sight. However, traipsing around the city through drizzle wasn’t completely fruitless. We learned Slider’s stocked 60 kegs and 24,000 beers in anticipation of 3,000 pre-gamers. We declined toasting 8:30 a.m. with shots. Thank you Examiner office policy.

By 10 a.m. the street in front of Pickles and Slider’s was loaded — and in more ways than one.

Bird Talk

Jessica: With the token bead guy, lots of familiar Smalltimore faces, frat boys, purple camo pants and Ripken jerseys, the crowd was believable but almost unbearable for anyone somewhat sober. Pick up your feet and the drunken sea of bodies would push you in whichever direction they were swaying.

And for anyone wondering, men definitely outnumbered the ladies by at least 23 to 1.2. I counted. Can you tell I wasn’t drinking?

Emily: Even if we were allowed to drink, we would have had a harder time getting a beer than we did squeezing our way through the masses. It was three rows deep at the bar and when I finally broke through to the bartender, I found out beer choices were limited. Not to mention the bartenders were too busy flirting with the guys to pay any attention to a 5-foot-2 girl frantically waving her arms to be seen.

Jessica: They need to make their money. And we all know you aren’t tipping as much as the orange, tanned man wearing a white blazer and dark sunglasses in the bar. Which reminds me, best fan accessory was a 2-foot tall foam cowboy hat circled with yellow caution tape. I tip my miniature cowboy hat to you, sir.

Emily: What about the guy with the orange Mohawk? Or the huge man wearing the Mets jersey. It takes a lot of guts to wear another team’s jersey in Birdland. But let’s get to the game. Unfortunately, it was as dreary as the weather.

Jessica: Booing Aubrey Huff’s every at-bat has to stop. It makes a point the first few times, and I know he did Baltimore wrong. But it does nothing for morale and only proves him right. Hearing the cheap boos was as depressing as seeing the hundreds of vacant seats (though the game was publicized as a sellout) and realizing we’ll have to lower the bar for what deserves a cheer this year. Standing Os for getting on base.

Emily: I always have and always will love my home team, even if it turns out to be a 100-loss season some “experts” predict. It’s sad that I’ve been going to O’s games for the past 10 years and never heard cheering as loud as it was on March 31. Why can’t we see a sellout crowd throughout the entire season? Confidence and support — that’s what the Birds need this year.

Jessica: You’re having a teary moment, while, for the love of Cal and all things orange, there was an Opening Day “fan” reading a book — even during the few big plays. Who pays $20 for the chance to read a book in a wet seat or be tormented by the Sox jerk?

Emily: He deserves all the peanuts fans threw at him. But I’m glad the team is not going to pull out any heavy hitters or show ponies in order to raise our hopes of a winning season. At least they’re being honest with us this year. The men in Baltimore should take note.

Jessica: Not everything always goes back to men lying to you.

panandpraise@baltimoreexaminer.com

SEE THE LATEST ON THIS STORY

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59 days ago: Football’s Southern gentleman returns to Baltimore

59 days ago: Pan and Praise: Football’s Southern gentleman returns to Baltimore

66 days ago: Ed Kowalczyk knocks 'em out at Pier 6

73 days ago: Q-Tip will get inside your head

80 days ago: Finally, political songs that pack a punch

87 days ago: Hollywood A-listers kiss B’more goodbye

129 days ago: Male revue wants its clothes back

143 days ago: Here’s one ‘hot’ ticket you can’t get

157 days ago: Specialty water could be the next hot mixer

171 days ago: New Kids on tour? We will be in the first row