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In more than 20 years of ministry, I have had the rare privilege to be with families in moments of joyous celebration: weddings, the birth of children, and the renewal of vows after many years of faithfulness. But my pastoral teammates and I also have been called on to be present when it seemed there was only darkness.
We have seen up close and personal the devastating impact of the sexual abuse of children. My wife — and ministry partner — has counseled with hundreds of women who, when they were young, suffered through this soul-damaging experience. For the most part, their abusers were not strangers. They were coaches, teachers, clergy, stepfathers, brothers, their mothers’ boyfriends and close friends of the family. In nearly every case, the abuser was someone well known and liked by the family.
Thankfully, one of our nation's best-known companies has decided to do something to help. Pepsi's 5th Annual International Race to Stop the Silence about child sexual abuse will be held April 13 (8:30 a.m.) at Anacostia Park in Washington (www.stopcsa.org).
Dr. Pamela Pine, founder of Stop the Silence, reminded me that “this silent epidemic is everyone's problem, creating long-lasting and negative impacts on our society and the victims. About 73 percent of prostitutes overall and 95 percent of teen prostitutes were sexually abused before the age of 18, and 32 percent of convicted killers, 60 percent of teenage mothers and 73 percent of runaways were sexually abused as children.”
This is everyone's problem. It is not just young girls who suffer. The Department of Justice estimates that sexual abuse affects one out of four girls but also impacts one out of six boys.
A few weeks ago, this column suggested that former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer probably is wrestling with a sexual addiction. I have counseled with many men, who have lost control of their lives as a result of the pornographic culture in which we now live.
God is not a prude — sex was his idea — and the Bible gives explicit advice on how to have a great sex life. But it also warns of the destruction of unbridled lust. I have watched as sexual addictions have cost men their self-respect, their jobs, their families, their health and even their lives.
Everyone I have counseled for sexual addiction, whether it manifested itself in serial adultery including prostitution, child sexual abuse or child pornography, was sucked into their unhealthy sexual choices by pornography. In recent years, the explosion of online hard-core porn and the proliferation of sexually explicit (and frequently violent) movies has led many men to become addicts who harm themselves, their wives and, tragically, sometimes even the children in their lives.
Make sure the computer in your home does not become a source of destruction to all you love. It should be located in a very public place, and your spouse should be able to see everywhere you have been. Does your spouse have your passwords? She should. There are many software programs available that screen objectionable material. If you know you have a problem, there are also programs that provide accountability by sending a list of all the sites you have visited to someone who cares about you. Please know that God can and will forgive you. A new life of freedom is possible — but you must get help.
The men who I have counseled felt like there was nowhere to turn. But there are choices. Many churches have started recovery groups based on the 12-step models of Alcoholics Anonymous. They are a great place to start. If contacting a church is too big of a step for you — or if you have a real fear of criminal prosecution — I recommend Sexaholics Anonymous (www.sa.org) at 410-558-4510. Your anonymity will be strictly protected. If you have a loved one who you think has a sexual addiction, you can find help through SAnon at 703-440-1875.
If you love the children in your life, protect them. Decide now to have a porn-free home. The Apostle Paul wrote much of the New Testament, and he said it simply: “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality . . .”
Kevin McGhee is a senior pastor at Bethany Community Church in Laurel and a 1978 graduate of the United States Naval Academy. He can be reached at kmcghee@baltimoreexaminer.com.
Comments from Examiner Readers
11:25 AM MST on Mon., Dec. 3, 2007 re: "Scripture at heart of gay marriage battle"
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Examiner Reader said:
This is yet another example of Mr. Corrigan passing his editorial opinion off as news. He did not even bother presenting the ideas of the majority, who voted to petition the General Assembly to allow same-sex marriage.
190 agree | 165 disagree
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BennyFactor said:
I don't think the scriptures are at all ambiguous that homosexuality is sin. However, if you examine old testament scripture in the original language and compare that "God-Breathed" Word with later less accurate English translations, you'll find an extra emphasis placed on homosexual sin that was not originally there, which has enabled homophobes within the Christian church to be dismissive in ways Christ would not likely agree with. The question that needs to be asked is: Why is government being asked to engage in Sanctification (marriage as opposed to rights to legal unions)? AND Why would a church condone (sanctify) sin? Give couples rights (visitation, inheritance etc.) but don't parse sin as a compromise.
172 agree | 159 disagree
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Examiner Reader said:
In the end, the Presbyterian Church will decide what the Presbyterian Church will do with this issue. Why this is deemed "anti-choice" is beyond me since it appears as though both sides are being given an opportunity to make a "choice". The majority will decide. For those who disagree with the final decision, which ever way it goes, you have the option of joining a church that is more suitable to your own belief system rather than forcing someone else to adopt your beliefs to the detriment of their own. No one is required to be a member of the Presbyterian Church. Then again, this argument is really not about choice to begin with. Is it?
179 agree | 161 disagree
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Examiner Reader said:
This is just another example of Mr. Corrigan's anti-choice agenda. I remain astounded that the editors of the Examiner keep letting Mr. Corrigan write his own editorial position and pass it off as news.
143 agree | 134 disagree
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Examiner Reader said:
Given Mr. Corrigan prejudices, I am surprised he even bothered talking to anyone that actually supports ENDA. He was able to hide that response in the last paragragh, but only after he let two people from CWA mischaracterize the bill.
187 agree | 156 disagree
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Examiner Reader said:
As a Catholic for many decades, let me say that it sickens me to know the preverted nature of so many priests. Talk about woman's right, the Church is a hypocrite. They are making nuns homeless while paying hush money to victims of clergy sexual abuse.
174 agree | 163 disagree
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Examiner Reader said:
Hopefully the new archbishop has higher standards than Cardinal Keeler. It is a disgrace how Keeler has dealt with the sexual abuse and rape of several of the priests in the Baltimore area. When I became really disgusted is when he referred to the pediphile priests as being "just immature." Is that all he considers such such clergy to be.
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Examiner Reader said:
In writing this article the author, Mr. Corrigan, did not reveal that he used to be a regular protester outside clinics that offer abortion. This fact that should have been acknowledged would have allowed the reader to add Mr. Corrigan's prejudices into their estimation of the truthfulness of this article.
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cult survivor said:
Individuals of weak character turn to authoritarian (fundamentalist) religious faith as a means of escape from coping with the scary things that happen in life. This irresponsible choice permits them to avoid the burden of developing intellectual and emotional maturity. Their wrathful and reactionary deity (conveniently expressing all of their primitive fears) does all their thinking for them.
226 agree | 194 disagree
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Patrick McKay said:
One has to distinguish between what is carried out in the NAME of religion, as opposed to what religion actually teaches. Much more innocent blood has been shed through communism than anything else, as anyone who cares to research the matter properly will find. Also, there are many who claim that the 'big, bad' Catholic Church 'condemns millions or poor sub-Saharan Africans to die from HIV/AIDS, because she 'refuses to lift her ban on the use of prophylactics'. Nonsense. Anyone who cares to research the subject will find that south of the Sahara, only some 15% of people are Catholic. In Botswana, for example, where only 5% of people are Catholic, the HIV infection rate is an appalling 37.3%. How can the Church be to blame for this? In any event, statistics reveal that wherever the use of condoms is vigorously promoted, the incidence of STDs actually ESCALATES. Look beyond the media spin and concentrate instead on the FACTS.
254 agree | 173 disagree
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Ave Maria said:
Hype. Next question.
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Examiner Reader said:
Not only does organized religion cause more wars and launder more money then any other organizations in teh world , It now causes major cover ups and scandals. I would NEVER donate to an organization that covers up and hides pedophiles. Maybe the church and NAMBLA should join forces (North American Man Alter Boy Lovers Association ) !
236 agree | 222 disagree
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Patrick McKay said:
Karen When you are called from this life, your nationality is just one more thing you must leave on earth. It won't cut any ice with St. Peter at the 'pearly gates'. I may be Scottish, but I'm anything other than patriotic. What is one's nationality really worth, looking at the eternal picture? Don't get too attached to it.
228 agree | 184 disagree
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Karen Boswell said:
My FIRST pregnancy;at 18, ended in ABORTION. I was raped and convinced by all the adults around me that it was best to abort the baby. Only 14 years later at age 32 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After four years as a survivor...I have stayed informed and do advocacy related to health issues. I think America and other countries need to heed this advice about the breast cancer-abortion link. I will continue to speak out on this issue. It hits home and I do not want to see more woman lose their own life behind an unplanned pregnancy. I spoke on Capital Hill this past Roe vs Wade anniversary. Check out www.silentnomoreawareness.org Click on testimonies....then Karen in Pennsylvania. God Bless America...my home sweet home!!!!!
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Patrick McKay said:
Sorry, folks, the last line should read.....'How many more have to suffer before the blinkers finally come off?'
234 agree | 174 disagree
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Patrick McKay said:
There are those who cite 'smoking', 'poor diet' and 'lack of exercise' as the 'likely causes' of breast cancer. This cannot be, otherwise it would be afflicting males in equal (if not greater) numbers. Male breasts do not, of course, produce milk for offspring. A little logical thinking tells us the problem must be related to the female reproductive system. I am writing from the UK, where every October sees another 'Breast Cancer Awareness' month - and another round of pink ribbons, balloons and sanctimonious hand-wringing. Although the cancer researchers continue to rake in the funding, the incidence of breast cancer has increased significantly on their watch. They simply will not admit that both abortion and the 'pill' are to blame, for they know it would cause a political storm. Breast cancer is one of a host of women's ailments that were virtually unheard of before the 'swinging sixties'. How many more have to suffer before the blinkers finally come
254 agree | 229 disagree
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Examiner Reader said:
OK, I wrote the comment below...and I was not reading this article when I wrote it. So I do apologize to the person who is now two down below. Although your comment could have just as easily applied to the article I thought I was commenting on, in which case, you would have been correct. I have not (and am not) going to read this article, so your view opinion may be 130% correct for all I know. I still don't know how I got to this page. Must have too many tabs open. :)
217 agree | 207 disagree
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Examiner Reader said:
Incorrect to the one below me. It is the timing of the article -- Friday the 13th. The point of the article is that Wiccans are extremely misunderstood. The timing is why it may seem one-sided. I myself thought that Wiccans were all weird freaks until I started dating one. I even went to a few of their meetings so that I could get a better understanding. Contrary to what I expected, everyone there was normal, pleasant and had great senses of humor. In fact, they are all about love and peace. While I did not and am not converting, I better understand their religion and will admit that I was falsely stereotyping. Wiccans are the complete opposite of what I had always thought them to be. Total ignorance on my part.
225 agree | 195 disagree
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Examiner Reader said:
I do not believe there was enough information provided regarding the opposite finding, therefore this article, being far too one-sided, is more propaganda than news. Perhaps a more broad approach would have lent more creedance to this article.
228 agree | 217 disagree
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Examiner Reader said:
I think this hate crime bill is a "hate crime" in itself, and anyone who votes for it should be forced to take a "basic 7th grade civics class" Hate crimes are not that common -- this is just a way for democrats to pander votes.
765 agree | 264 disagree
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Ivan Pare said:
This article deals with private revelations; no body is obliged to believe in private revelations even if it may be prudent to do so. Just as no body is obliged to subscribe to the Holy Catholic Church or the Churches teachings or the gifts She has to offer. God graces all his creatures with free will. However, one might do well to consider these scripture reading exerpts taken from the universally celebrated Holy Sacrafice of the Mass; 4/20/07 FIRST READING=ACTS, 5:34-42 ...Gamaliel,who was a doctor of the law and respectedby the whole people stood up and...addressed the Sanhedrin, ... 'If this enterprise,this movement of theirs, is of human origin it will break up of it's own accord; but if it does in fact come from God you will not only be unable to destroy them, but you might find yourselves fighting against God.' ... The Mass readings. of 4/21= ACTS 6:7 confirm the fact that "the number of disciples greatly increased, and a large group of priests made their submission."
329 agree | 302 disagree
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Nancy said:
While I don't believe Sullivan has true visions, I do believe the country as a whole is straying too far away from the spiritual and towards the material. God is surely not happy that abortion is legal. Something has to wake people up.
352 agree | 345 disagree
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Robert Coli said:
I believe this is a perfect opportunity for the Arch Dioceses of Baltimore to reopen the investigation of the Marian apparitions to Gianna Sullivan which took place for seven years WITHIN the walls of St. Joseph's Catholic Church in Emmitsburg Maryland. Let it be known that these apparitions of The Blessed Virgin Mary took place in St. Joseph's WITH CARDINAL WILLIAM KEELER'S permission from 1993 until 2000 at the recomendation of priest and Marian theologians who were very supportive and believed in the apparitions. In 2000 the apparitions were no longer allowed to take place on church property because the messages given by The Blessed Virgin Mary described what is happening in our world today. Hind site is 20/20 for those willing to see. Let it be known, The Blessed Virgin Mary did appear to Gianna Sullivan with the permission of the Cardinal until 2000 in the church, and since then within the directives of the Arch Dioceses of Baltimore. Truth always wins.
371 agree | 350 disagree
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Michael T. Sullivan, MD said:
To learn even more about this timely subject and about all that Our Lady has been saying for the last several years in Emmitsburg, do a Google search for "Our Lady of Emmitsburg," and review to top 4-5 entries.
330 agree | 317 disagree
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Michael T. Sullivan, MD said:
In a private message from Our Lady of Emmitsburg given to Gianna Sullivan on April 19, 2007, after the terrible tragedy at Virginia Tech, Our Lady said: ....God is not vindictive, but human free will gets in the way and allows destruction, not only personally, but also to others. Those, who do not desire God, have the opportunity through their rejection not only to cause physical harm, but also interior turmoil...My Son desires love, and His Sacrifice was one so that all could be drawn into His Love...All He did was for the greater glory of God the Father so that all could be happy and live in peace, for all to be joyful and to know the Truth...God desires all people to join Him and to live in Heaven with Him. Without Him, humanity is nothing!...God desires for everyone to be free and to live within Him. Peace to you.
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Examiner Reader said:
We must believe.
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