You think everything in your relationship is fine — or maybe you don’t — but you didn’t expect your significant other to confess to an affair. So, do you forgive and forget? Show ’em the door? Can you trust again? These are the questions our resident researchers of romance put to people at the recent Cosmic Cocktail Party at the Belvedere Hotel.

DAN: Jennifer, a single 40-year-old advertising professional, had a simple solution to the problem of a cheating boyfriend. “I’d push him out a window,” she said. “I’m a Taurus, so I’m very loyal and would never cheat on anybody.” So, just push the guy out a window. Anything else? “I might throw his possessions out the window behind him.”

While she wasn’t at the party, Chris, my resident oracle, was not quite so sanguine, noting if relationship rain doth fall, something good may grow. “A cheating experience can help a couple uncover and address important issues in a relationship: Perhaps the cheating partner feels insecure, depressed or unappreciated and mistakenly thought an affair would help, or subconsciously wanted some distance from a clingy or needy partner. Relationships can always improve, and intimacy can always be enhanced. And if the couple is mature and honest, a one-time affair has the potential to be a catalyst for mutual growth.”

JOAN: Here’s my personal two cents. If I was in a committed relationship and my boyfriend strayed, he wouldn’t get a second chance. I consider his cheating a character flaw; he’s likely to do it again. He would hear my heels click as the door bounced off his back. It seems the men I interviewed at the party were much more forgiving of a cheating significant other than the women. John, 52, said: “Practically, if there is a case of cheating, it can be resolved with more good loving, caring and communication. Turn it into growth not suffering with the help of a relationship counselor.” He says you shouldn’t resort to anger if you care about the person. “Ask why the person was cheating. Was it a call for love? Try to work through it.”

DAN: It all boils down to what you bring to the table. That is, how do you truly feel about the other person, because the answer to that question will determine what you’re willing to go through to make the relationship work. My father once told me of a conversation my mother had with a woman neighbor. “Your husband is in sales, making calls to ladies’ homes late at night. What if he’s having an affair?” the neighbor asked. “If that’s what makes him happy,” my mother replied. “I just wouldn’t want to know about it.” Not too many women would do that much for their husband’s happiness, but then again my mother knew she had nothing to worry about it.

JOAN: Nick, 42, an IT manager, said: “If she cheated, I would get angry. After all, it’s a human emotion. You want to feel like you’re their special person. It damages trust.” Tamara, 25, a pharmacy technician, experienced a cheating boyfriend, who got “the other woman” pregnant. “I had no idea he was seeing her. He told me he had a new night job as a security guard. My first reaction was to cause him physical harm.” Fortunately, her friends talked her out of it. “I trusted him too much and never questioned where he was. My instincts told me something was wrong. Always believe your gut feelings. Don’t wait for confirmation.”

DAN: Of course, sometimes the pendulum swings the other way. I once dated a woman where it quickly became clear I would need a microchip implanted in my brain so that she could track me by GPS. I exited stage right. Bottom line: It’s all about trust — and good self-esteem, so you don’t feel the need to control the other person all the time because you’re so sure they’re going to run off and cheat.

Dan Collins is a terminally single 40-something writer and local PR maven. Joan Allen is a noted matchmaker extraordinaire and author of “Celebrating Single and Getting Love Right: From Stalemate to Soulmate.”