Putting a corporate spin on the dating game

A recent issue of Best Line Magazine featured an online article about “business-based strategies” to improve relationships. We’ve heard of running government like a business, but will the same approach work when the job is amore?

DAN: I had to smile when I read this article, as it echoes my philosophy — what I like to call “the businessman’s guide to romance.” How does one excel in the office — besides knowing how to use Excel? By going the extra mile, by making yourself as indispensable as possible. So apply this same vigor to your relationship; make him or her so dependent on you that they’d be a ripe fool to cut you loose. The article notes you should treat your significant other “like a client.” You wouldn’t sit in the Barcalounger, belching, scratching and ignoring your business contact would you, Joanie? Probably not. In business, as in love, one should promise less and deliver more.

JOAN: Have you ever heard of the term co-dependent, Danny? I’m afraid you’re living in the Dark Ages. News flash: Many women today don’t want to feel dependent on a man. Women do want a reliable, kind, trustworthy and responsible man. If a man was at my beck and call 24-7 I would lose respect for him. Maybe you need to re-evaluate your approach to romancing a woman.

DAN: I always pay my electric bill promptly, so no Dark Ages here. And don’t talk to me about co-dependency. An old girlfriend, heavily into the “Recovery Movement,” took me to Co-Dependents Anonymous (CODA) meetings so I have expert insight. My point, which you so deftly missed, is that, like our careers, success in relationships means hard work. They don’t just “happen,” but require research (what foods does she like? Is she into sports? What topics result in incessant nagging?), commitment (I will show my love and clean her cat’s litter box ... but only on Valentine’s Day) and the ability to meet your goals (Saturday night!). In time, you’ll have enough tenure so that you don’t have to try so hard, you begin to take her for granted, and then she dumps you. But at that point you don’t care anymore anyway. It’s what we in business call, “a win-win.”

JOAN: In the "business-based strategies to improving your relationship" story, Ph.D. sex researcher Emily Nagoski from Indiana University suggests incorporating these five business ideas into your romantic life: Be punctual; set goals; pay bonuses; see both sides; and tend your in-box. One thing that resonates with me is Nagoski’s quote about pay bonuses: “Appreciation is the most important thing a man can give a woman.” Showing and telling a woman that she’s appreciated is a very powerful aphrodisiac.

DAN: This works on men too. According to Chris Salazar’s Ebizz Web site, in a survey of 1,500 employees, people were motivated more by praise than by cash. Other issues that ranked higher than money included having an opportunity to learn on the job, flexible working hours, increased autonomy and time with their managers. I’d say this also applies in matters of love. Substituting gifts for money, well, that’s nice, but I think having a relationship where you both are growing, being exposed to new ideas and experiences (learning on the job) having your personal space (flex hours/autonomy) but also having sufficient one-on-one time with your partner (manager), are all ways to make your relationship (business) a success.

JOAN: The analogy of using business strategies in dating works in some cases, but under no circumstances should you interview a date like you’re applying for a job. Hitting a date with questions like bullets — boom, boom, boom — is offensive and a major turn-off. Leave your clipboard of questions at home. The flow of the conversation is easy and fun, back and forth, upbeat. Asking “What do you like to do when you’re not working?” is acceptable. Asking “Why did you get a divorce?” is too personal on a first date.

DAN: Funny, as I often get a laugh by equating a first encounter as “a resume exchange.” This is particularly true on a blind date. It’s a time to size up the person. Stand up, give us a spin, let’s see what you’ve got. Does she have, what one friend calls, “the crazy eyes”? What are your likes, dislikes? Your strengths, weaknesses? At this point, my date usually is nodding, chuckling, and I’m content that the ice is sufficiently broken.

Dan Collins is a terminally single 40-something writer and local PR maven. Joan Allen is a noted matchmaker extraordinaire and author of “Celebrating Single and Getting Love Right: From Stalemate to Soulmate.”

Advertisement