The squirrel was chattering away, its bushy tail flicking like a tassel in a burlesque show, body against the hickory tree bark. Slowly, I brought up my .458 Winchester and squeezed the trigger. The squirrel — or what remained of it — dropped to the ground. I had thought of using my .416 Rigby, maybe the .577 or .700 Holland & Holland “Royal” double rifle, but the .458 did the trick. That was one dead squirrel.

The above is fiction of course, but for anyone who is not just off a safari, the guns listed above are designed for large African game — elephants and rhinos. And if squirrel hunting with these or similar guns, I would not be in violation of any Maryland game or other state law, rule or regulation. Some county or local ordinances might have restrictions.

The above is in jest, and for a number of reasons. No one should ever try such a stunt, even as a joke. What is not in jest is that you could do it — and legally. But while you could be legally as clean as the proverbial whistle, you could still be libel for any property damage or injuries incurred.

Obviously, the state wants to protect citizens from stray bullets. Thus, there are restrictions on the use of firearms. The Department of Natural Resources also wants to protect hunters by making sensible rules and regulations to allow continued legal hunting of game species.

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For both reasons, it is not legal to use any rifle for deer hunting in the following counties — Anne Arundel, Baltimore, Calvert, Caroline, Charles, most of Frederick, Harford, Howard, Kent, Montgomery, Prince George’s, Queen Anne’s, St. Mary’s and Talbot and parts of Worcester.

The reasoning is that we do not want bullets flying through populated suburban neighborhoods and taking out house windows, cars, pets and small children. It’s a wise rule.

However, there is no such rifle ban for some forest game. You can use a rifle for black bear, fall turkey, grouse and squirrel. You can also use rifles to hunt upland game — except dove and woodcock but including crow, rabbit, pheasant, quail, snowshoe hare and certain unlisted furbearers such as coyote, fox and raccoon. The idea of taking pheasant, ruffled grouse or quail with a rifle adds to the Marx Brothers/Three Stooges aspect of this.

Interestingly, deer rifles are usually shot at close to a horizontal plane, since deer generally are not given to climbing trees. Squirrels are often shot at an upward angle, since they do climb trees. At an upward angle, high-powered rifles such as those used for deer — or elephant — can travel far. A typical deer rifle has a maximum range of up to three miles.

It might (hopefully) seem obvious to use only a rim fire .22 or something similar for squirrel, to protect the hide, to cut shell cost and to protect the public.

But it also might be good to have a ruling on this. There are many hunting rules and regulations. A rifle ban or limitation for forest or upland game is not among them.

Rules include a ban on anything larger than a 10-gauge shotgun for waterfowl, no lead shot for waterfowl, a minimum muzzle energy of 1,200 foot pounds for deer rifles, only size 4 to 6 shot for spring turkey, no shotguns under 20 gauge for deer, no more than eight rounds in a clip for deer rifles, no rifle possession when waterfowl hunting, no deer baiting on public land, and on and on. Lots of rules.

Hopefully, this free-for-all hunting description for forest and upland game is just a DNR oversight, and one easily corrected. In the meantime, hunters must exercise common sense. A basic requirement for any hunting is to complete a hunter safety training course, part of which emphasizes always considering the backdrop of what and where you are shooting.

» A 33-year-old Maryland tidal largemouth bass record was broken Jan. 26, when Justin Riley of Woodbine caught an 11-pound, 2.88-ounce largemouth while fishing an Angler’s Choice Potomac River tournament. The bass is the largest ever caught in Maryland, surpassing the 1984 inland record of 11 pounds, 2 ounces and beating the 1975 tidal bass record of 9 pounds 1 ounce.

The bass was taken in the “spoils” area of the Potomac just north of the Woodrow Wilson Bridge, using a half-ounce Bass Pro Shops Lazer Blade bait fished in 20 feet of water.

But Riley, 26, has an edge on the rest of us.

“I’ve been fishing since I was old enough to hold a rod and tournament fishing since I was 13,” he told The Examiner. The big bass, nicknamed Justine, is now swimming in the fish tank at Bass Pro Shops in Hanover.

C. Boyd Pfeiffer is an internationally known sportsman and award-winning writer on fishing, hunting and the outdoors. He can be reached at cbpfeiffer@msn.com