WASHINGTON (Map, News) - Football fans from coast to coast are placing bets this week during the overhyped run-up to the Super Bowl.

Does that boot on Tom Brady's foot mean his ankle has healed?

Will Giants coach Tom Coughlin's head explode before the end of the first half?

Meanwhile, here in Redskins Nation, we are transfixed by yet another game of "What's Dan Snyder Thinking?" All bets are off, as the inscrutable owner of the beloved Washington team decimates his coaching staff.

But wait! This just in - sources say the ideal new Redskins head coach will be Tom Cruise. Follow Dan's bouncing brain.

Joe Gibbs exits after four years in a five-year contract. He leaves millions on the table and the team in relatively stable shape, with a promising quarterback and a proven coaching staff

Snyder proceeds to elevate his buddy, Vinny Cerrato, and eject the coach in waiting, Gregg Williams. These moves infuriate fans. Vindictive sports columnists write scathing essays about how the young, rich owner is destroying our venerable football franchise.

Washington, D.C., is once again the butt of jokes on late night TV. Hosts and comics used to make fun of Marion Barry; now it's Dan Snyder.

Let's be honest. We know where Dan Snyder is headed for his new head coach: Hollywood, or the football equivalent. If there's one aspect of Snyder's choices during the nine years he's owned the Redskins, it is he's a slave to brand names.

His first hires? Deion Sanders and Bruce Smith, worn out players with marquee value. He renames Jack Kent Cooke Stadium to brand name FedEx Field. He tosses Norv Turner for name brand coach Marty Schottenheimer. He becomes enamored of Steve Spurrier, brand name college coach. Tosses Marty, hires Steve. Spurrier can't win and leaves. At which point Snyder goes for the brandest name of all: Joe Gibbs.

With Gibbs gone, Snyder sifts through the pile of brand names. Former Steelers coach Bill Cowher makes it known he's not available. Why not hot USC coach Pete Carroll? Snyder flies to Los Angeles to check him out. Nada.

Mora. There's a brand name. Snyder calls in Jim Mora, who talks and leaves in a huff. He flirts with failed brand name coach Jim Fassell.

Snyder's getting desperate for brand names. Dick Vermeil is possible, but a bit '80s. Tony Dungy is staying with the Colts; Andy Reid is tied to the Eagles.

I was pondering Snyder's need for a brand name, when my wife threw me a copy of In Style magazine with Katie Holmes on the cover. She's a Redskins fan. She's famously married to Tom Cruise.

Bingo! Snyder is backing Cruise's movie production company. They hang out together. Having Cruise coach the 'Skins creates perfect synergy with Snyder's entertainment cartel, which includes Six Flags amusement parks.

He and Vinny can actually call the plays.

He renames the team "Top Guns."

Or "Mission Impossibles."

Which would be a perfect name for the Redskins' chances of winning the Super Bowl with Snyder at the helm.

hjaffe@washingtonian.com

Comments from Examiner Readers

10:53 PM MST on Wed., Feb. 6, 2008 re: "School Closing Manifesto II: Barry's Destructive Game"

J G G Coolidge "68" said:
Marion Barry has done more singlehandedly to create a Black middle class in Washington DC than any other single individual. As far as MR Jaffe's article is concerned, he does not remember, wasn't in DC OR was not affected, by DC Public Schools being the jobs program for the families of congressional staffers and elected officials while in town. DC had a carpetbagger led education system with not enough graduates of Miner College in leadership positions. Barry had faults, I see many people writing who live in glass houses. His singlemost political fault is not having the political will to mandate DC employees to remain DC residents. Thus they became disconnected with the community and its growth or safety. By the way for another who knows nothing than to complain Barry Farms was the first public project housing in DC built long before Mayor Barry entered DC. The nerve of you media and personal complainers who never did, fought, contributed or sacraficed for DC yet you enjoy and take

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4:52 PM MST on Mon., Jan. 28, 2008 re: "School Closing Manifesto II: Barry's Destructive Game"

Examiner Reader said:
"when are we going to get past what Marion Barry did years ago and focus on today?" Pray tell, what has he done besides spend half his time in court for drug use and making headlines about his inability to manage his own finances? He certainly hasn't done anything for his Ward 8 constituency? Any new development has simply been a by product of having water views in his ward. Barry Farms - sonething he put name on - is a symbol for all that is wrong with this city. But say one thing for Barry, he got a good government job that he doesn't have to do anything but collect a check.

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4:26 PM MST on Mon., Jan. 28, 2008 re: "School Closing Manifesto II: Barry's Destructive Game"

Muckle John said:
For the love of god, why is this slug still holding public office?!

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3:12 PM MST on Mon., Jan. 28, 2008 re: "School Closing Manifesto II: Barry's Destructive Game"

GAB said:
"when are we going to get past what Marion Barry did years ago and focus on today?" When Marion Barry retires from the city council, and when all the lazy, chair-warming, and corrupt city employees he is responsible for hiring leave.

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1:39 PM MST on Mon., Jan. 28, 2008 re: "School Closing Manifesto II: Barry's Destructive Game"

Examiner Reader said:
well said

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1:23 PM MST on Mon., Jan. 28, 2008 re: "School Closing Manifesto II: Barry's Destructive Game"

Examiner Reader said:
when are we going to get past what Marion Barry did years ago and focus on today?

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5:03 AM MST on Fri., Oct. 26, 2007 re: "Opinion: The whole city is watching Anacostia"

Examiner Reader said:
Not sure why there records were mentioned as that does not mean that they ae guilty. Why did they get so little time? This officer never stated what she said first to get the response from the boys which is the reason why they were no lengthy sentences. Officers need to hold themselves to higher standards. These boys are being targeted because she's not satisfied. On 10/19 she had the entire 7 district outside the boys grandma house just because she thought one of the two boys were outside the house (confirmed by a 7 district captain. Neither was present and as a result an estimated 30 police officers are on this one street when they could have been somewhere else doing nothing. By the way these boys do live with their grandma. Was it convenient to pick these two out of 10 because she knew them. What happened to the other 8?

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6:17 PM MST on Thu., Oct. 25, 2007 re: "Opinion: The whole city is watching Anacostia"

Examiner Reader said:
Imagine that the "GRANDMA" calls to defend these kids, wonder where Mom and Dad are???? It's a matter of time and these kids will be in trouble again. Another kid brought up in a broken home blaming the streets for his decisions. Parents need to get a better grip on these kids.

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3:54 PM MST on Thu., Oct. 25, 2007 re: "Opinion: The whole city is watching Anacostia"

Examiner Reader said:
why doesn't she just move? get out of a bad neighborhood?

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12:07 AM MST on Tue., Oct. 16, 2007 re: "Parisian cool comes to D.C. on two wheels"

Mike Licht said:
Is DC Government letting the bike vending corporation use city streets for free, like they let advertising companies use it for bus shelters, or is there DC funding?

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1:24 PM MST on Tue., Sep. 11, 2007 re: "Column: Feeding Frenzy Over $100 Million In D.C.'s Found Money"

Examiner Reader said:
Harry Jaffe...here you go again....postulating: "...Our commercial real estate market is still one of the hottest in the country, pushing tax revenues up by 16 percent.." Jaffe...every year [5 years past] this city has had a surplus...starting at 90 million -2002 up to $130 million in 2005...HIGH PROPERTY TAXES!!!!!!! Black Families property taxes where higher than most families homes west Rock Creek Park. Jaffe...you failed to ask or Follow WHAT HAPPEN TO THE DISTRICT TOBACCO SETTLEMENT MONEY.... JAFFE...YOU ARE TALKING SMOKE CIRCLES AND your background is definitely not FINANCE. CALVIN H. GURLEY

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1:57 PM MST on Mon., Sep. 10, 2007 re: "Column: Feeding Frenzy Over $100 Million In D.C.'s Found Money"

EyesWideOpen said:
To Mayor Fenty: "Keep your promises. Fix the schools, train the jobless, repair the lousy roads and eat more leafy vegetables."

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12:54 PM MST on Mon., Jul. 30, 2007 re: "Column: Peaceable coexistence in the wilds of Rock Creek Park"

Erica said:
This is just lovely. On a Monday afternoon it's nice to stop and appreciate Bambi and his still-living mom. I wish we could treat all of nature with this kind of respect.

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7:06 PM MST on Mon., Jul. 16, 2007 re: "D.C. students will lack books on opening day - as usual"

Examiner Reader said:
Ms. D: Although the former superintendent had the support of Mayor Williams, why would the former superintendent need support to get textbooks? That is something superintendents all over the country do each year.

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1:58 PM MST on Mon., Jul. 16, 2007 re: "D.C. students will lack books on opening day - as usual"

Elizabeth Davis said:
I don't know whether to regard this story as a 'news' article or merely a propaganda campaigned to trash the outgoing superintendent. It would have been more beneficial for me to know how many schools did not receive books and the list of schools rather than the blatant fingerpointing at an administration that never had the underpinnings and mayoral support that our chancellor is afforded. While I'm happy that the Mayor is so willing to provide Ms. Rhee the support she'll need to improve services to schools and children, it would have been great if Dr. Janey and former DC public school administrations had this same level of support from the Mayor and council. If Ms. Rhee fails to turn the system around in two years, I wonder if she will also get a media lynching by the DC power brokers and the media that serves them.

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6:14 PM MST on Thu., Jul. 12, 2007 re: "D.C. students will lack books on opening day - as usual"

Mike Licht said:
>>Re: D.C. students will lack books on opening day - as usual<< Hilda L. Ortiz, DCPS Chief Academic Officer and Gloria L. Benjamin, Assistant Superintendent of Curriculum & Instruction, issued updated Learning Standards for many subjects last week. Have these folks order textbooks NOW. In September, as I understand it, Fairfax County Public School teachers will choose from among county-approved textbooks for the 2008-2009 school year, and books will arrive by June 2008. Why can't DCPS do this?

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