Good or bad, quitting becoming part of the athletic experience

Comments

 SEE THE LATEST ON THIS STORY

EMAIL STORY

PRINT STORY

47 days ago: Starbucks’ escape from reality vanishing?

54 days ago: Jousting: An age-old tradition is alive and well in the land of pleasant living

58 days ago: Earleigh Heights Fire Company carnival is fun for all

65 days ago: Superstars not needed for family sports fun

72 days ago: The good, the bad, the ugly of sports parents

79 days ago: Curfew would offer no solution for Annapolis crime-fighting

86 days ago: Stressed out? Out of shape? Go for a run

93 days ago: To seniors: Playing it safe is way to enjoy beach week

100 days ago: Baltimore needs to expand its proud lacrosse tradition, advance the sport

107 days ago: Dealing with the problem of teenage violence

BALTIMORE (Map, News) - In some parents’ perfect world, every youngster on an athletic team would be a contributor. Each would enjoy comparable playing time, share the limelight, advance individual skills and have a role in the team’s success.

And nobody would ever quit a team.

We don’t live in that world, of course. And so quitting has become a familiar part of the athletic experience.

For parents who have long waved the “I didn’t raise a quitter” banner, this is a tough course to maneuver. But it’s not automatically the wrong decision. In many cases, quitting is an appropriate answer for a child involved in an uncomfortable sports situation.

Some coaches —intentionally or not — count on some players quitting. They choose not to cut the players who don’t end up on the field. A small number of coaches may misevaluate a player during tryouts. But in far more instances, coaches thought they were being kind by rostering a player who doesn’t belong.

Some parents are culpable in that scenario, convincing a club coach or administrator that their offspring didn’t show his or her full talents during tryouts. At times that is true, but too often those decisions end painfully for the players.

Then it can be the right call for the players to turn in their uniforms. A full season of unhappiness or resentment can cause more long-term damage than walking away. If the parent wasn’t instrumental is creating the problem, he or she can help guide the child to a more appropriate team or sport the next season. The parent who contributed to the situation should take responsibility, turn it into a learning experience for the child and make sure to learn personally from the mistake.

The saddest situation is when the coach creates the unpleasantness, when children are left on teams where they don’t belong. This creates an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved, but it should be the responsibility of the coach to resolve. It’s never too late for the coach to explain, preferably to both parent and child, that the player is not likely to have much of a role. This conversation is preferable to leaving a player sitting on the bench, wondering if the next game might be better. If the coach isn’t willing to do this and the player feels misled and defeated, I don’t think a parent should talk him or her out of quitting.

For the most part, players should have the right to try out for the team on which they want to play. If a player is unhappy about being placed on a low-level team after open tryouts and then finds another team in another league, that’s OK. Walking away from a team before the first practice, or even the first game, is forgivable.

Unforgivable is the strong player who quits once his team faces hardship. Those who spend a lot of time on the sidelines have seen this: A good player whose team has a rough season, maybe because the team just isn’t as good as the player hoped, or maybe because of injuries or a higher level of competition. No parent should tolerate that kind of quitting, but some go beyond acceptance and encourage their superstar to walk away from a fading team. Some say staying on a struggling team will hurt recruiting opportunities. But leaving under those circumstances not only is unfair to teammates and coaches, it gives a child a long-term reputation that might — and should — affect their own goals later in sports or in life.

Before quitting a team or sport, players and their families need to reflect on the situation and understand who is being affected and in what ways. If they then decide it is still the honorable thing to do, it should be communicated to the coach in an honest, preferably unemotional way.

Even an angry player or parent can leave gracefully and with maturity. That effort might even change the way that coach, team or league treats another player down the road.

Effie Dawson writes about high school and youth sports. She can be reached at edawson@baltimoreexaminer.com.

SEE THE LATEST ON THIS STORY

EMAIL STORY

PRINT STORY

47 days ago: Starbucks’ escape from reality vanishing?

54 days ago: Jousting: An age-old tradition is alive and well in the land of pleasant living

58 days ago: Earleigh Heights Fire Company carnival is fun for all

65 days ago: Superstars not needed for family sports fun

72 days ago: The good, the bad, the ugly of sports parents

79 days ago: Curfew would offer no solution for Annapolis crime-fighting

86 days ago: Stressed out? Out of shape? Go for a run

93 days ago: To seniors: Playing it safe is way to enjoy beach week

100 days ago: Baltimore needs to expand its proud lacrosse tradition, advance the sport

107 days ago: Dealing with the problem of teenage violence